What Not to Say to an Adoptive Parent or The Top 5 Ways To Leave A Mommy (or Daddy) Speechless

Ok - I've taken this post from another blog and made it my own. Political correctness does have its place, especially around sensitive little ones.

It is NOT meant to make you afraid to open your mouth but rather to shed a little light on some notions that may be a little hard for the adoptive parent to hear, especially in front of their children.

1. "You took the easy route" (referring to adopting over pregnancy). Those of you who know and love me DEFINITELY know our route to family building was NOT in any way easy, and we shouldn't assume so for anyone else. Anyone who witnessess someone saying this to me or any memeber of my family has my permission -- no, make that my INSISTENCE to pull out their fingernails one by one.

2. "Why not adopt domestically, there are plenty of children in the US who need homes?" First, listen to what you're saying, people. You're implying that US children are in some way more deserving of families than other children around the world. That's just sick.

3. "She's cute; how much did she cost?" Really? You want me to answer that in dollars, therapy bills, fertility treatments, frequent flyer miles or tears? She's priceless. Period. Now, how much was your vasectomy, and did they get it all?

4. "Are they both/all yours?", "Are they REAL siblings". Yes. and Yes. Our family is as real as real can be. All our children will be ours for as long as they'll have us! And they'll be siblings long after we're gone, fighting over who has to pay off the debts of the estate. You can't get any more real than that.

5. "What a lucky baby". Nope. We're the lucky ones. We are not adopting to rescue a child. We are not doing a wonderful, courageous thing. We aren't trying to win points with God, Buddah or Vishnu. There was absolutely no "WWJD" in our decision to adopt. We want more children and this is the way for us to have them. It is a purely selfish choice, and should all the stars align, our daughters will choose us, too.

6. "What a beautiful brown baby, where did you get her?" They are beautiful. They came from my heart. But really, what an ugly, racist soul you have. Where did you get your blue hair?

In short, just think before you ask a question like these. Think about it from the child's perspective, and from the parents' need to protect their child from any sort of hurt from the world. Words are powerful. Please use that power for good.