A Dream Deferred

It's taken me a long time to update what has happened in our adoption story, and for that I am sorry. It has been a month of emotional lows...very low lows, and I was afraid of writing it down for fear that the nightmare would become real. Well it's real, and there's no changing it. So, deep breath, here it goes...

Kamryn is no longer our little girl. She will be going to live with another family, probably in France or Italy. It is possible that she is already there. To explain what happened is to try to make sense of the nonsensical.

The U.S. Embassy in Thai Nguyen province is not following directions, and not playing well with others. The provincial officials are not allowing required investigations to occur because the U.S. Embassy officials are not following protocol, making up their own rules, and being downright mean to orphanage directors, officials and staff, who want nothing more than to see these babies have a good home.

Other countries are not having these issues, and the babies assigned to these families are going home within a matter of weeks after referral. It used to be that way for U.S. families, too. Under normal circumstances, since we received notice that Kamryn was ours on 10/30, we would normally have travelled and brought her home by Christmas, most likely. But on November 1, 2007, the U.S. Government instituted their own rules without any input from families, officials, certainly not me!! Well, like most people, the Vietnamese government doesn't like to be told what to do and how to do it, especially by people who don't know what they're doing.

So long story short, while VN would allow all adoptions to happen from all countries at the same pace, the U.S. due to their own ridiculous rule-picking and choosing, has slowed it's international adoption program in Thai Nguyen province, to a crawl....ok, let's be honest....it has stopped completely. The U.S. Embassy has no intention of allowing any Thai Nguyen babies leave Vietnam with a U.S. family. Vietnam wants the babies in loving homes ASAP, and if another country can provide that, then that's where the baby goes. And that's what happened to Kamryn.

We have been through the gamut of emotions...shock, anger, grief, sadness, and over and over again. While it is not the same as the death of a child, it is certainly the death of a dream. It's a huge blow, and we just hurt. We loved her the second we laid eyes on her, and she became a part of our family. She has a nursery, toys, a closet full of clothes, a name, a big brother... everything was ready for her, and so were we. We certainly do take comfort in the fact that she will no longer be in the orphanage, and is hopefully with parents who adore her.

She will be home for her birthday after all , it just won't be our home.

This same thing happened to 4 other families waiting for babies from Thai Nguyen. We are all in a very small, strange boat that seems to be sinking most days. We have been told that the next 5 babies available for adoptions in other provinces will go to each of us. We do not have a gender preference any longer, so we are expecting either a girl OR boy. (I know! It's hard for us to wrap our brains around it, too!) That could happen "any day" and/or "very soon" depending on which rumor mill I choose to listen to that day.

The baby will be young, very young. Like 60 days young. And our investigations will be very quick, our travel expedited, our stay in Vietnam shorter. Or at least, that's what we're told.

We have not shared this with Connor. Until we are certain that this next child will be coming home with us, I'm scared to confuse him further. He thinks of Kamryn as his sister already, and until we have some concrete answers to his questions, I can't begin to explain to him what happened to her. He still kisses her picture every day. At least we know she is safe and healthy.

So....that's the latest. It sucks. Positively Sucks. There is no other way to put it, and no other way to feel about it from our perspective. I will be renaming the blog eventually, but for now, it's one less thing I have to re-think. One day I'll be able to take her pictures off of the fridge, too, but that day is not today.

Chinese adoptions are still progressing. However, the political situation in Tibet, the Olympics and my new pessimistic attitude are not good signs for the future of that program either. I wish there really was a stork who would just drop a baby at our doorstep. I'll leave a basket out front just in case.

For more information on the VN issues right now, and if you want to help, go to www.bringourchildrenhome.org.