Loss

Heaven has another angel. A 4-month old little girl in our daughter's orphanage died on Friday in VN. She was sick for many weeks and although she fought as long as she could, she was not able to overcome her illness. She is now healthy and whole in heaven, watching over the other babies in the orphanage. She was about a week younger than Kenna.

I am so sad for my friend and her family. They previously lost a referral, and now this. It's unbearably tragic. Losing a child is the worst possible pain in the universe. Hands down. I am utterly convinced of this, and sadly I know from personal experience. And although this little girl had not come home to her Forever Family yet, she was my friend's daughter. It does not matter one bit that she did not grow in her womb, or that she had not yet felt her mother's touch. She was loved as only a child can be loved by her parents, and I'm sure my friend's loss is no less heartbreaking and painful than mine. A loss of a baby cuts your soul so deeply that there are days that I still feel physical pain. Time does not heal all wounds. Things that don't kill you do not necessarily make you stronger. Life will not return to normal. You have to find a new normal without your child.


To those who are not experinced in adoption, the moment you see your referral picture is very similar to seeing your baby's hearbeat on the sonogram for the first time. I know it sounds strange, but that's how it was for me. I was flooded with the same joy, happiness, fear and bewilderment when that tiny flickering light representing Connor's heart appeared on the screen. The referral picture that pops up on the computer screen is your child. The agency tells us not to get too attached, but it is impossible for most of us. You are immediately in love with this little person who has instantly filled your heart with such immense gladness that you feel you might burst.

I wish my friend peace and healing as she grieves her loss. I wish there were more I could do or say, but I know there isn't anything. I pray her family and friends surround her with gentleness and grace.