TRAVEL APPROVAL!

Well, the big day is almost here!  We should know any time now when to leave for China!

You would think that 5 years would be enough time to pack!  I've been dusting off my packing lists and turning the house upside down looking for anything that might be travel-sized and kid - friendly!  Passports and Visas are in order, luggage has been purchased (somehow our last set has vanished since our last big trip!  I'm sure it will turn up when we return) schools have been notified, clients have been appeased...just waiting on the green light!!  

I cannot believe we are so close!  For years, we have been dreaming of this child and completing our family.  I hope she is ready for us! 

Happy Birthday, YouXin Fu!

It is difficult to wrap my head around having a child in country thousands of miles away who we haven't met, who doesn't know about us,  and who is celebrating her first birthday without us. I hope her caregivers give her lots of love today and make her day as special as she is.  We will have many more birthdays together, but it's sad to miss the first. 

We will have our own little celebration for her today, complete with birthday cake and candles. Connor and Kenna are making birthday cards for their baby sister, and we'll just have to have the most amazing belated birthday party when she finally comes home!

Speaking of that....we received approval of our I-800a on November 12 (coincidentally, that's National Adoption Day).  That's the approval to adopt a child.  Our next approval is still pending, and that's the approval to specifically adopt YouXin Fu.  It's mostly a formality of paperwork and rubber stamp signatures that somehow takes weeks. We should have that any day and then we can apply for our Visas!

In the middle of all this, I took another look at our official referral paperwork from China.  Part of the process is checking to make sure that all the names on all of the documents match your U.S. Passports.  Of course, Brian's name is spelled "BRAIN" on Keira's referral!  We had to request a new certificate correcting the spelling so that everything matches.  Luckily, this won't further delay anything, but it's just good that it's fixed before we go to meet our daughter.  Who knows what kind of confusion that would have caused!

I'm still estimating that we will travel sometime in January or February.  I'm sure Chinese New Year will interfere with those  plans somehow, but we'll just have to take it in stride.

Happy Birthday, Keira Jane YouXin - we love you!!

Fingerprint Day - Again!

So the thing about fingerprints, you would assume, is that they never change, right?  So you'd think that once a Federal Agency (like, hmmm, the State Department) has your fingerprints on file, then they could check them against criminal history whenever they want.  You would think, and that's what they do on TV.  The strange thing, is that fingerprints, much like milk or batteries or cheese, have an expiration date.  This is odd to me, since if they never change, and somehow if you are ever arrested and your prints can magically appear in a police database years, often decades later. 

But the one thing I guess I've learned in this process is that clearly, government agencies need communications coaches.  They do not know how to talk to each other, and they have selective hearing. The fingerprints in my FBI file do not count.  The fingerprints taken for the State Bar do not count.  The thumbprint I have to give at the bank to cash a check doesn't count. The fingerprints taken 3 previous times for the same Federal agency, the Department of Homeland Security, do not count for the purposes of adopting a child.  But you better believe if they ever hear that I'm ever charged with a crime (like perhaps losing my mind and assaulting a government employee during the fingerprinting process) my fingerprints will magically appear and have no expiration date.

So we make the trek to south Fort Worth again today, to a seedy, decrepit shopping mall above the stinky food court to submit, once again, to the underpaid, perpetually frowning USCIS fingerprinting clerks who have the future of our family in their hands.

The good news is that once our fingerprints are approved (again), we are that much closer to meeting Keira. However, my prints are starting to feel like they are not good enough. All this testing and retesting is not good for their self-esteem.  Intense therapy, inclusive of a spa manicure may be in order after they're done with me today.

We got the call!!

Introducing the newest member of our family! 

This is YouXin Fu. (Soon to be known as Keira Jane YouXin Simpson) She was born on December 5, 2009 and lives at the Fuzhou SWI in Jiangxi Province, China. 

We think she is amazingly perfect -- and I know we're biased, but seriously -- look at that face!!!!

After an excruciatingly long five-year wait, our call came today at 5:25 p.m.  She is our daughter and we are so thrilled!!

Rumors has it....

The latest rumor from China is that the CCAA wait is up to families who were logged in on and before May 10, 2006.  In case you've forgotten, our log-in date is May 16, 2006. That means were 6 (SIX) dates away.

SIX DAYS.....which equals about two months in China adoption land, but let's say that's true......TWO MONTHS????? We're only maybe two months away from referral??????   And then add a few more months for travel approval and then.....!

WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?

Oh, yes.  It's taken five years.....then why am I so ill-prepared?? 

I have a very vivid memory of our very first informational meeting about China adoption in 2005.  We were told that the wait times may go up and down, but China is stable.  That at the end of this process, "you WILL have a baby.  You just might have to stick it out, but have faith.  It WILL happen."  The wait time back then was 10 months, and the concern was that we'd have to wait over a year.  I never could have predicted the massive slow-down and the road our lives have taken since, but those words have stuck with me and have given me hope.  (Thank you, Melissa L.)

And now, we're on the cusp of a new adventure and a new addition to our hearts. 

SIX DAYS, PEOPLE! 

Watch this Space!!

After almost 5 years of waiting, we're nearing the front of the China Adoption line!  We're in the process of updating EVERYTHING so that when the time comes, we'll be ready to meet the next member of our family.  I'm reactivating the blog so that everyone can be in the loop :)  Stay tuned!!

The passage of time....

On August 22, 2008 at about 3:30 p.m. a tiny little baby girl was placed in my arms. We stared at each other for a very long second. I started to cry, and we became a family. It's a moment that I look back to in awe and disbelief. To envision it is surreal because since that second, I've had to convince myself that I did not actually give birth to this little being. And though we have mourned the ignorance of her first six months in this world, it is still difficult to comprehend that she did truly grow only in my heart.

The year has been spectacular and difficult and heart-wrenching and inspiring. She is turning into an amazing little person. Strong, confident, beautiful; I'm so proud of her, and love her and her brother more that the world itself.

Emma Day

That's what Connor calls it, and it's better than calling it "Emma's birthday", or "The Day Emma Died", or "The Day We Wish Never Happened..."

It's been a rough season. The time between Mother's Day and Father's Day is really emotional and trying for us all. I remember with clarity that only a mother can have, each minute of each day leading up to June 2, 2005. It's harrowing and heart-shattering, and travels in emotional waves between anguish and acceptance as we move toward Emma Day.

We try to do something fun with Connor (and this year, Kenna) on this day to somehow celebrate Emma's part in our family. And it makes the day easier to get through. Today we're taking Connor to the movies and then if the weather cooperates, we'll take both of them to a local splash park. Kenna's obviously too young to realize anything different about today, but Connor knows and says, "it's a very sad day, but at least we can do something fun so we can smile".

This year has been different as I remember her. She would be 4 today. Up until now, I was mourning the loss of a baby. But it hit me with real force and anguish this year that I'm missing an entire childhood now. She would be in pre-K. She would be playing a sport or taking dance or gymnastic lessons. She would be terrorizing her big brother. Or maybe not. We'll never know, and that part never gets easier.

Certianly without Emma, there may not have been Kenna, and I can't imagine not having her. But I don't think it's selfish to wish we could have both of them.

We love you, Emma Jane, You are in our hearts always.

Nguyen Thi Ban

In late October of 2007 we received a referral for Nguyen Thi Ban from Thai Nguyen province, Vietnam. We were smitten. She was our daughter, or so we thought, and we couldn't wait to bring her home. We named her Kamryn Grace. Due to beaurocratic red tape on both sides of the globe and mishandling by our legislature, agency, USCIS, (the list goes on.....) we, along with 4 other families with referrals from the same province had to accept the fact that the child we thought was ours was not to be. We were told she would be adopted by another family in another country. We were heartbroken, and mourned her loss.

That was February 29, 2008. Little did we know, that just two weeks prior in a province near Hanoi, a little girl was born who would join our family just 6 months later. On April 22, 2008 we received Kenna's referral from Bac Ninh; and the rest -- well you know :)

Nguyen Thi Ban turns 2 today. I think about her a lot and wonder about what might have been, and where she is and if she is ok. So wherever you are, little one, we hope you are healthy, happy and with parents who adore you. Happy Birthday!

CONGRATULATIONS ANGELA!!

The last former Thai-Nguyen-turned-Bac-Ninh referral just got approved!!! Angela has been waiting for this day for so long it almost seems unreal. She has to be the most resilient person I have ever known. For as long this relentless, tragic process to bring her baby home has been going on, she's handled every heart-wrenching step with grace and optimism. I applaud her and wish her happiness and joy through the next few weeks of itineraries, airports, hotel rooms, government red tape....all leading up to that moment when she sees her baby for the very first time and feels that surge of relief and unbelievable adoration; knowing that forever has arrived. Love you, Angela - you did it.

Out of Excuses

Ok. First it was sleep deprivation, then it was sleep training frustration, then it was Facebook, I could go on, but I'm pretty much out of excuses for not keeping up with the blog. To my small handful of (still) faithful followers, I humbly apologize -- but I had good excuses, right? And let me just tell you...that crazy Facebook is like crack! I still can't get enough. I will admit (reluctantly) that it's way easier to post pictures and updates through FB, so that's probably where you'll find all that stuff (and you should totally check - my kids are amazingly cute!)

Connor is 6. Not kidding. Six. As in, "I'm six, mom. (not mommy, mind you) So I can make my own decisions and run away with the circus if I want to." He's wonderful and sweet and other than the occasional meltdown about having to read for 20 minutes a day and shoe-tying struggles, he's the greatest big kid I know. And I mean BIG. He's exactly 1 foot shorter than me, which does not bode well for first grade.

I lose track of which t-ball season we're on now...6? Practices start next week, and he's looking forward to it. Watching his games is one of my favorite pasttimes. His team has been together since they were 3..for most of them, that 1st jersey hung to their knees, and their bats were as tall as they were. They consistently ran to 3rd base instead of 1st -- if they ran at all. Most of the time they were in awe of just hitting the ball that they just stood there and watched it to see how far it would go! Connor's favorite part was drawing in the dirt with a random stick in the outfield and post-game snacks. Now, he really enjoys if for the most part, but I'm pretty convinced that if Coach K didn't clear the field of random sticks before game-time, he'd be out there drawing blueprints for his next Lego building project.

Kenna just turned 1. And has turned this family inside out with her crazy antics. The non-sleeping was brutal, but she's finally turned a corner there for the most part. Of course, now that I've said that, she's crying...when will I learn? Back in a minute.

Ok, crisis averted - pacifier misplacement is an easy fix!

On to other news...Kenna started walking on Christmas Eve at 10 1/2 months. She's still a tiny, tiny thing, and to see her walk is a little unnerving...kind of like watching a large newborn toddle about and spin in circles. Funny thing, though...she has no idea she's small. She pretty much walks into a room like she owns the joint, scans for familiar faces and proceeds to the snack bar. Where does she put it all? Good question - if I can figure out her metabolic secrets, I'll share :) So far, she has not turned down anything except scrambled eggs. I can't blame her - scrambled eggs are a texture-phobe's nightmare, and make me a little squeamish, too.

As for the grownups in the house, we're hanging in there -- adjusting to being a fam of four has been an interesting ride of scheduling snafus and random tantrums (mine, not the kids'), but we're muddling through and wouldn't have it any other way. One day we'll all look back at this and wish we were still in the throes of it all, so I'm not wishing any of it away.

And in adoption news, the CCAA is now up to March 2, 2006. Why, that's not too far from our May 18, 2006 LID, is it? It's still at least a year away by Chinese adoption math standards. We're still in line, waiting our turn, but it's hard to believe we've been at this since October 2005. We're still looking at least another year before we head back across the International Date Line. At this point, we're in a wait-and-see mode. What's meant to be will be.

And a quick shout out to an old high school bud who will be travelling to China next week for their little girl - Congrats, Mike!

And, of course, part of my heart is always with my fellow ex-Thai Nguyen-ers...all of us have our babies home except for Ang -- any day now, I'm sure of it, though. The beauracracy still amazes me. Months after VN has shut down to new US adoptions, there are still so many babies who are stuck in paperwork limbo. JUST SIGN THE DAMN PAPERWORK AND GET THESE CHILDREN HOME!!!! I'm sure that will take care of it :)

Well, thanks for checking in - I'll be posting more often, but I won't be putting away the Facebook crack any time soon. I'm not ready to admit I have a problem.

More Pictures!

But you have to wait for it - or I guess you could just scroll down like the sneaky blog-readers you are and forget about the amazing scintillating reading material that is the cournerstone and signature of this blog that keeps you coming back for more! Anyway, she is a cutie, isn't she???? What an amazing little girl she is. She was battling a double ear infection and some tummy issues, but is doing much better now. Still very, very small for her dates, but healthy and strong. I cannot remember much about life before her, and we have melded together into a foursome pretty smoothly and effortlessly. She's brought out the best in all of us!


Kenna LOVES these things...I think they're technically bath toys, but whatever works, right?

She seriously dislikes her carseat. HATES being strapped in at all. Just look at that sad face!! This is the post-screaming sigh after being finally unbound!

She certainly loves the camera! This was the easiest photo shoot EVER!!
Oh my goodness - check out the tiny little toe sticking out! She does not like this position, and this was the only time she didn't smile for the camera with her big almost toothless grin. It's still a really cute grimace!
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We're getting ready for Fall around here (our favorite season). Football season, Halloween, Pumpkin Patch...the picture possibilites are endless...stay tuned!!!!

Prayers for another VN sweetie

I met an amazing little baby boy in VN. He was being adopted by a tireless woman and her family. She was traveling alone for half the journey to complete her adoption of this adorable boy who has some special needs. Her husband had just been deployed and was forced to leave early; her other small children were at home pining for her; her newest addition was having trouble adjusting; the US and UK governments were being ... um... less than helpful in getting this very special new family home. I would see them most mornings, and was always in awe of the woman's patience and spirit, determination and drive to find the answers for her new son; faith and adoration of this little human being who needed her so much.

He is in the hospital trying to overcome some large obstacles now. I think of him all the time and remember his bright smile and beautiful face. Hang in there, E. You and your forever family have been blessed with each other and will give each other strength beyond measure.

Alraight, already!!! Here's some new pics...

Kenna and B...sharing the spotlight is hard!



Playtime! Look at my chunky arms!



Mommy and Me!



Big Brother!


I love to stand and try to walk!

One month ago today....

It's been one month since our G&R. I cannot imagine our lives without our baby girl. She has been in our hearts and souls for as long as we can remember...long before her birth; long before Emma's death. She completely belongs with us, and us with her. There cannot be a more perfect match for our family. We are in awe of her.

She has the most amazing smile, and a laugh that comes from deep within her heart. An (almost) toothless grin that will melt your soul and make your forget that the world was ever a harsh, sad place. Her cry is like a tiny mewing kitten. You can barely hear her sometimes...it's barely a whimper. I wonder if that is because there is no reason for a loud cry if you know no one is coming. Maybe it's from the lack of good nutrition...maybe she's just soft spoken. I can't wait to find out.

She tries to walk if you hold her hands. She is so proud of her accomplishments, and just loves to try to meet the next goal. When she's happy, she kicks and laughs....and I mean kicks like crazy! She looks like a little frog trying to leap to the next lily pad. Tummy time is a hoot - she tries to scoot forward, but ends up going in circles. I think she may skip crawling altogether.

She does not like to wake up alone. No way, no how. But really, who does? She's like a little ray of sunshine when she wakes up and sees one of us, especially Connor. Her glee is contagious, and we all just stare at her as she makes each one of us laugh our way through the hectic morning routine.

We are so blessed to have been graced with her love in our lives. She is a miracle. No doubt.

Bon Voyage!

Have a wonderful time, M and L....I cannot tell you how excited I am for both of you! I wish I could go again, just to witness the joy that they are going to experience. I can still feel how it feels to be in that room, meeting your daughter for the very first time...the emotion is overwhelming. Joy, relief, elation....crazy sadness that you couldn't meet her sooner.....urgency about learning every bit of information you can in the short amount of time you have with the nanny....a surreal ache in your arms when you have to give your baby to anyone else even for a moment...an amazing flood of happiness, knowing she is yours and you are hers forever and ever. And that no one (not even the U.S. Embassy) can take her away from you. And then, a strange desire to get home...as quickly as possible so you can begin your new life together.

And then a brand new set of emotions when you board the plane; when you land on U.S. soil; when you finally get through customs; when you land in your hometown; when you greet your waiting friends and family; when you strap your baby into the carseat for the first time...

It's a brand new world of nothing but new, and it's ... indescribable. Ok, I'm off to wake up my baby just to hug her really tight, just because I can.

Trying this again...

Ok - I've been trying to finish a post about BN all day long, and my blogger is giving me some serious attitude. I figured a glass of wine might be in order before I tried again, so bear with me.

My point was to express my joy for my Thai Nguyen'ers who are on the cusp of finally completing their adoptions. Two of the four of us will be travelling next week! I was the lucky one who got to go "first", but had to go it alone, and there's just one left. I have a feeling it won't be long now, and it's been a LONG time coming. We have each been through very private, individual, and sometimes tragic circumstances in this process. When we started this, we were told it would be about a 4 month process. Here we are, 18 months later...

Each of us were overjoyed with our first referrals from Thai Nguyen. None of us could have imagined how we would ultimately be joined with our daughters, but each of us suffered in the early months. When we were told that the babies we fell in love with would not be ours, dreams were shattered. Of course we all know there are no guarantees in adoption, but that piece of information becomes irrelavant when you see that picture for the first time and fall head over heels for a little face. You memorize every detail, every hair on her head, every freckle. When those referrals were rescinded, my arms felt empty. My heart was broken. We mourned for those little girls, and waited with bated breath for our next bite at the adoption apple.

And y'all know the rest of the story -- we have Kenna in our hearts and in our arms. She is ours and a perfect addition to our family. We are blessed to have found our ways to each other; it is a true miracle.

Godspeed, my good friends - you are in my heart always.

Back to life, back to reality

Well, there's nothing like jumping right back into your routine to remind you how ridiculous all the small things really are. C started school on Tuesday -- one week later than his classmates, and pretty jetlagged still. He was a trooper, though and kept his wits about him as he navigated the brave new world of public school. (lunches and hall passes and homework, oh my!)

So, since we sent C to school, there was really no excuse for us to be playing hooky. Not that I need an excuse...but anyway, K came to the office with us, and made me realize instantly that it is just ridiculous how cute she is! I can't take my eyes off of her! This makes it difficult to do anything but point and laugh at myself and the crazy faces we make at each other. Her personality is really starting to peek through, and she is clearly the social butterfly of the family. She really is a good sleeper, just like the nannies said. She only wakes up 2x a night...she's a great eater, and is already starting to fill out just a little bit; she has a little bit of a princess complex that I love to indulge. She absolutely cannot stand to be be dirty or wet for more than a nanosecond, and the bottle must be at or near room temperature, or else. When she's hungry, SHE'S HUNGRY, and has no problem letting you and half the neighborhood know about it.

Just for giggles
Apres bath
Meeting new friends!


More later when I'm not nodding off at the keyboard...

We're home!

We made it home! After 33 hours of travel we made our way to our front door, only to find that the Homecoming Elves had been hard at work while we flew the "friendly skies". Everything was ready to go for Kenna --- all her toys, clothes, bedding and bath items were organized and put away, closets were tidy and all the outlets were covered. I have such amazing friends! It was sooo nice to come home to calm rather than the last-minute chaos i know we must have left here 2 weeks ago.

Kenna is doing her best to settle in. I can't imagine what it must be like for her. In the last weeks she has been exposed to a million new things that she may never have ever seen before or since. Her entire world is up side down.

And she's up...more later!!!

Last Post from Hanoi

Well, the bags are packed (though not zipping well) and we're ready to go home. Our time here has been amazing of course, and I am looking forward to returning when K is older to show her all of the neat things we have learned about her native country. I have to admit, that's a little strange...she's the first non-native-bornTexan in the family in like 6 generations! But that just makes her even more special :)

We're looking forward to seeing all of our friends and family and introducing K to everyone. She is a very loved little girl, and we are all very lucky to have each other and such wonderful people surrounding us with love and affection. We can't wait to be home...there's no place like it!