China update

At last count, we have waited about 20 months since our China LID for Keira's referral. The latest projected referral date for her is July 2009. I'm thinking if we complete our family in this decade, that would be nice.

The wheels of the CCAA just keep turning, though they seem to have lost a lot of tread and need a rotation and alignment check. No one knows what goes on in the epicenter of Chinese adoption. The government is incredibly secretive, which makes the whole thing seem ever more mysterious than it probably is.

However, stacks and stacks of parents' approved files (like ours) have been sitting there collecting dust. Each one of those file represents a child and an entire family just waiting, with no power to do anything about it. For us it means that though life goes on while we wait, there is always a part of us that's not quite present or complete. Our hearts just ache. And though we can get through the day-to-day quite well to the untrained eye, sometimes it's just too much. All three of us have moments of frustration, anger, sadness and total confusion about why this is taking so long. I think it's hardest on Connor. He's been waiting for a baby sister since 2004. He was just a baby himself when Emma died, but like for all of us, she made an impression on his soul. And now that he's "almost a grown up", explaining all of this is very complicated.

Ah, well...such is parenthood, and I wouldn't trade it for the world.