Mother of the Year

Well, I know all of you moms out there were vying for it, but I believe this is my year for the big honor...talk about trial and error (heavy on the error). We've been giving Kenna the recommended brand of formula and supplementing her with rice cereal. No problems yet, right? Well i was wondering why she wasn't sleeping very well and seemed cranky even after she ate well...that would be because I was pretty much starving her with the wrong ratio of water to formula! I won't bore you with the exact numbers (because I know some of you have CPS on speed dial), but suffice it to say that once she got some real food in her, she started sleeping like the nannies said she would (i thought they were just trying to humor me!) and became much more lively and talkative. Strange thing, that language barrier. I would advise all of you, if ever in VN - don't assume you can just use the same measurements of anything that you would in the States. First of all, there's that wacky metric system. What ev. Secondly, the language is hard to read. Don't even try to piece it together. What you'll get is a headache and a fussy baby.

So, that said, here's a list of do's and don'ts with some random musing mixed in for fun...

1. I miss chips and hot sauce. I may need an IV upon touchdown.
2. Yes does not mean yes here. It means "probably not. Actually, no. Absolutely not. I'm just not going to say no because you may not like it."
3. No means no.
4. Pho (faw) rocks, but don't try to eat it from the street vendors.
5. Highlands Coffee is as good as they say.
6. I miss chips and hot sauce.
7. I miss chips and queso.
8. I miss tortillas.
9. I miss pizza with tomato sauce on it automatically, and not as an extra topping.
10. I miss chips and hot sauce.
11. Things smell funny here. Just get used to it.
12. Don't try to take a picture of old ladies chopping up exotic-looking fruit with a machete. They just might wave it menacingly in your direction.
13. Don't watch what the driver is doing. Ever. Just trust that you will get there in one, maybe two pieces and just deal. Otherwise, you will have a stroke before you get to the shopping streets, and that's not good for anyone.
14. Don't break glasses at the restaurant. They will charge you at least 3x what it's worth. Just ask Brian.
15. I miss chips and hot sauce.
16. Remember that you are taller and wider than the average Vietnamese. Just ask Brian as he's trying to get into a Honda Fit.
17. Don't take anything too seriously or personally. Unless it has to do with your baby - then you have full reign to kick some a--, should you deem that necessary.
18. Get the suite. You'll be glad you did.
19. Don't come in August. You'll be glad you didn't.
20. Don't be alarmed when the waiters take your baby from your arms at the table. They are trying to help, not kidnap. They know it's hard to eat with a baby. It's really quite sweet.
21. Be nice. Americans still have a bad rep in some parts of town, with good reason.
22. Bargain! Things are so cheap that you feel like a schmuck asking to pay even less, but they expect you do to that, and it's worth it. Offer 1/2 of what they quote, then go from there.
23. You cannot read Vietnamese. No one can. It's just a bunch of letters with queer markings on top of them. This is part of their plan to confuse you -- they find great humor in it, and it's all in fun.
24. Don't look both ways before crossing the street. This will confuse everyone.
25. Enjoy your stay - it's a great country!