More Pictures!

But you have to wait for it - or I guess you could just scroll down like the sneaky blog-readers you are and forget about the amazing scintillating reading material that is the cournerstone and signature of this blog that keeps you coming back for more! Anyway, she is a cutie, isn't she???? What an amazing little girl she is. She was battling a double ear infection and some tummy issues, but is doing much better now. Still very, very small for her dates, but healthy and strong. I cannot remember much about life before her, and we have melded together into a foursome pretty smoothly and effortlessly. She's brought out the best in all of us!


Kenna LOVES these things...I think they're technically bath toys, but whatever works, right?

She seriously dislikes her carseat. HATES being strapped in at all. Just look at that sad face!! This is the post-screaming sigh after being finally unbound!

She certainly loves the camera! This was the easiest photo shoot EVER!!
Oh my goodness - check out the tiny little toe sticking out! She does not like this position, and this was the only time she didn't smile for the camera with her big almost toothless grin. It's still a really cute grimace!
s
We're getting ready for Fall around here (our favorite season). Football season, Halloween, Pumpkin Patch...the picture possibilites are endless...stay tuned!!!!

Prayers for another VN sweetie

I met an amazing little baby boy in VN. He was being adopted by a tireless woman and her family. She was traveling alone for half the journey to complete her adoption of this adorable boy who has some special needs. Her husband had just been deployed and was forced to leave early; her other small children were at home pining for her; her newest addition was having trouble adjusting; the US and UK governments were being ... um... less than helpful in getting this very special new family home. I would see them most mornings, and was always in awe of the woman's patience and spirit, determination and drive to find the answers for her new son; faith and adoration of this little human being who needed her so much.

He is in the hospital trying to overcome some large obstacles now. I think of him all the time and remember his bright smile and beautiful face. Hang in there, E. You and your forever family have been blessed with each other and will give each other strength beyond measure.

Alraight, already!!! Here's some new pics...

Kenna and B...sharing the spotlight is hard!



Playtime! Look at my chunky arms!



Mommy and Me!



Big Brother!


I love to stand and try to walk!

One month ago today....

It's been one month since our G&R. I cannot imagine our lives without our baby girl. She has been in our hearts and souls for as long as we can remember...long before her birth; long before Emma's death. She completely belongs with us, and us with her. There cannot be a more perfect match for our family. We are in awe of her.

She has the most amazing smile, and a laugh that comes from deep within her heart. An (almost) toothless grin that will melt your soul and make your forget that the world was ever a harsh, sad place. Her cry is like a tiny mewing kitten. You can barely hear her sometimes...it's barely a whimper. I wonder if that is because there is no reason for a loud cry if you know no one is coming. Maybe it's from the lack of good nutrition...maybe she's just soft spoken. I can't wait to find out.

She tries to walk if you hold her hands. She is so proud of her accomplishments, and just loves to try to meet the next goal. When she's happy, she kicks and laughs....and I mean kicks like crazy! She looks like a little frog trying to leap to the next lily pad. Tummy time is a hoot - she tries to scoot forward, but ends up going in circles. I think she may skip crawling altogether.

She does not like to wake up alone. No way, no how. But really, who does? She's like a little ray of sunshine when she wakes up and sees one of us, especially Connor. Her glee is contagious, and we all just stare at her as she makes each one of us laugh our way through the hectic morning routine.

We are so blessed to have been graced with her love in our lives. She is a miracle. No doubt.

Bon Voyage!

Have a wonderful time, M and L....I cannot tell you how excited I am for both of you! I wish I could go again, just to witness the joy that they are going to experience. I can still feel how it feels to be in that room, meeting your daughter for the very first time...the emotion is overwhelming. Joy, relief, elation....crazy sadness that you couldn't meet her sooner.....urgency about learning every bit of information you can in the short amount of time you have with the nanny....a surreal ache in your arms when you have to give your baby to anyone else even for a moment...an amazing flood of happiness, knowing she is yours and you are hers forever and ever. And that no one (not even the U.S. Embassy) can take her away from you. And then, a strange desire to get home...as quickly as possible so you can begin your new life together.

And then a brand new set of emotions when you board the plane; when you land on U.S. soil; when you finally get through customs; when you land in your hometown; when you greet your waiting friends and family; when you strap your baby into the carseat for the first time...

It's a brand new world of nothing but new, and it's ... indescribable. Ok, I'm off to wake up my baby just to hug her really tight, just because I can.

Trying this again...

Ok - I've been trying to finish a post about BN all day long, and my blogger is giving me some serious attitude. I figured a glass of wine might be in order before I tried again, so bear with me.

My point was to express my joy for my Thai Nguyen'ers who are on the cusp of finally completing their adoptions. Two of the four of us will be travelling next week! I was the lucky one who got to go "first", but had to go it alone, and there's just one left. I have a feeling it won't be long now, and it's been a LONG time coming. We have each been through very private, individual, and sometimes tragic circumstances in this process. When we started this, we were told it would be about a 4 month process. Here we are, 18 months later...

Each of us were overjoyed with our first referrals from Thai Nguyen. None of us could have imagined how we would ultimately be joined with our daughters, but each of us suffered in the early months. When we were told that the babies we fell in love with would not be ours, dreams were shattered. Of course we all know there are no guarantees in adoption, but that piece of information becomes irrelavant when you see that picture for the first time and fall head over heels for a little face. You memorize every detail, every hair on her head, every freckle. When those referrals were rescinded, my arms felt empty. My heart was broken. We mourned for those little girls, and waited with bated breath for our next bite at the adoption apple.

And y'all know the rest of the story -- we have Kenna in our hearts and in our arms. She is ours and a perfect addition to our family. We are blessed to have found our ways to each other; it is a true miracle.

Godspeed, my good friends - you are in my heart always.

Back to life, back to reality

Well, there's nothing like jumping right back into your routine to remind you how ridiculous all the small things really are. C started school on Tuesday -- one week later than his classmates, and pretty jetlagged still. He was a trooper, though and kept his wits about him as he navigated the brave new world of public school. (lunches and hall passes and homework, oh my!)

So, since we sent C to school, there was really no excuse for us to be playing hooky. Not that I need an excuse...but anyway, K came to the office with us, and made me realize instantly that it is just ridiculous how cute she is! I can't take my eyes off of her! This makes it difficult to do anything but point and laugh at myself and the crazy faces we make at each other. Her personality is really starting to peek through, and she is clearly the social butterfly of the family. She really is a good sleeper, just like the nannies said. She only wakes up 2x a night...she's a great eater, and is already starting to fill out just a little bit; she has a little bit of a princess complex that I love to indulge. She absolutely cannot stand to be be dirty or wet for more than a nanosecond, and the bottle must be at or near room temperature, or else. When she's hungry, SHE'S HUNGRY, and has no problem letting you and half the neighborhood know about it.

Just for giggles
Apres bath
Meeting new friends!


More later when I'm not nodding off at the keyboard...

We're home!

We made it home! After 33 hours of travel we made our way to our front door, only to find that the Homecoming Elves had been hard at work while we flew the "friendly skies". Everything was ready to go for Kenna --- all her toys, clothes, bedding and bath items were organized and put away, closets were tidy and all the outlets were covered. I have such amazing friends! It was sooo nice to come home to calm rather than the last-minute chaos i know we must have left here 2 weeks ago.

Kenna is doing her best to settle in. I can't imagine what it must be like for her. In the last weeks she has been exposed to a million new things that she may never have ever seen before or since. Her entire world is up side down.

And she's up...more later!!!

Last Post from Hanoi

Well, the bags are packed (though not zipping well) and we're ready to go home. Our time here has been amazing of course, and I am looking forward to returning when K is older to show her all of the neat things we have learned about her native country. I have to admit, that's a little strange...she's the first non-native-bornTexan in the family in like 6 generations! But that just makes her even more special :)

We're looking forward to seeing all of our friends and family and introducing K to everyone. She is a very loved little girl, and we are all very lucky to have each other and such wonderful people surrounding us with love and affection. We can't wait to be home...there's no place like it!

Picture of the Day

OMG - she's just the slipperiest little thing! She loves bath (sink) time, and usually she's checking herself out in the mirror, but i turned her around for this shot. Totally adorable.

We can leave with our daughter!

Kenna got her visa to enter the U.S. in record time today! The interview lasted less than 60 seconds - no joke, and our visa was ready within 1/2 hour and $400 after that. Maybe we looked like we would hurt someone if things didn't go our way today; or maybe it was the desperation oozing from our pores. Or maybe it was the begging? No matter-- it's done, and we're on the downward slope.

We can come home and bring her with us! No small thing if you've been following along for a while. It was touch and go there for many, many months. When we touch down at LAX on Saturday night, she'll be a U.S. Citizen, and this part our journey will be all but complete.

K is doing great. She loves to smile and laugh...and she has the cutest little dimple in her cheek - we're discovering new things about her every day.

We're going to spend our last full day just around here picking up some last minute things we cannot live without, which includes an extra suitcase...i have no idea how we crammed everything into 2 bags on the way over. Oh, that's right - we didn't! It was done for us by the packing fairy, and she's not here to help us now!!!

Ready to come home - ready to begin the next phase of our journey!

And more!

C seems to make friends everywhere. He loves the attention from the Vietnamese people. They call him "very handsome boy", and he just eats it up. It never fails, though, that once they find out his age, they change their description to "very BIG handsome boy"! This just makes him giggle. Before Vietnam, I have never had to answer the question, "is THAT very big handsome boy daddy?" as they point in B's general direction. Speaking of B, a cabbie asked him to write his height and weight down for him so that he could tell his friends how he got this large American into the itty-bitty clown car.
We went to the Museum of Ethnology today - loved it! I look like the tour guide in this pic, and you can't even see the sweat streaming down my face! K is quite comfy in the sling - and I guess at this temperature, she doesn't really add to the heat. We're all a big soggy mess all the time anyway!

C and S in a replica of one of the traditional VN houses. C really loves museums, although he'll never admit it. He has tons of fun learning about the "olden times", which is anything pre-2000 to him.

We went to Bobby Chin's tonight for dinner. It was wonderful - as all the food we've had here has been. C says he loves the food here, too...as he's slurping down spaghetti and meatballs. He has tried the local fare and has enjoyed most of it. He's a much more adventurous eater here than he ever is at home, where he thinks plain black pepper is way too spicy.

Tomorrow we have our visa appointment. Once that step is complete, we're free to leave VN with K. We'll also receive the paperwork that will make her a U.S. citizen as soon as she disembarks at LAX, which I think is a pretty cool thing.

I am ready to come home and get back to real life. I can't wait for K to meet everyone - she'll melt everyone's hearts for sure! As much as I've enjoyed it here, it's time to go...the pollution is killing me, and the street vendors' agression is starting to make me want to kick them. The heat is so overbearing that showering doesn't really seem to make a difference. I really don't like that part. I enjoy clean - clean is good.

C is missing his first week of school. Though I do not regret for one second the decision to bring him to VN with us, he needs to get back to meet his new teachers and classmates. T-ball season starts next week, too, and he may not forgive us if he misses much of that!

Pictures!

Today we spent most of the day just hanging out in the hotel. Playing with Kenna and entertaining ourselves pretty well. B found a store that sells DVDs and Wii games for cheap, so he enjoyed himself then!
We're so amazed at how much K has progressed just in a few days. When we picked her up, she could not hold her head up on her own for more than a second or two. Now look at her!
She also couldn't sit up without more assistance. It's amazing what a few days in a better environment will do! I know that the nannies adored her, but it was impossible for them to give her the interaction attention that all babies so desparatly need. She's just blossoming with us, and we're so thankful for that.
B has a picture of C as a newborn on his arm in this same pose. Even though K is so much older, she's not that much bigger! She also loves her toes -- socks just get in her way, and that frustrates her, but it's entertaining for me to watch her try to get at them through the socks!
I just love this picture. B looks so proud, and K is so content in his arms.

Picture of the Day

How cute is she???? We went to the Museum of Ethnology today - definetly my favorite stop so far, besides the shopping....however, they did have an awesome museum shop! K napped in her sling most of the time and then had a major blowout in it. Nice.

Mother of the Year

Well, I know all of you moms out there were vying for it, but I believe this is my year for the big honor...talk about trial and error (heavy on the error). We've been giving Kenna the recommended brand of formula and supplementing her with rice cereal. No problems yet, right? Well i was wondering why she wasn't sleeping very well and seemed cranky even after she ate well...that would be because I was pretty much starving her with the wrong ratio of water to formula! I won't bore you with the exact numbers (because I know some of you have CPS on speed dial), but suffice it to say that once she got some real food in her, she started sleeping like the nannies said she would (i thought they were just trying to humor me!) and became much more lively and talkative. Strange thing, that language barrier. I would advise all of you, if ever in VN - don't assume you can just use the same measurements of anything that you would in the States. First of all, there's that wacky metric system. What ev. Secondly, the language is hard to read. Don't even try to piece it together. What you'll get is a headache and a fussy baby.

So, that said, here's a list of do's and don'ts with some random musing mixed in for fun...

1. I miss chips and hot sauce. I may need an IV upon touchdown.
2. Yes does not mean yes here. It means "probably not. Actually, no. Absolutely not. I'm just not going to say no because you may not like it."
3. No means no.
4. Pho (faw) rocks, but don't try to eat it from the street vendors.
5. Highlands Coffee is as good as they say.
6. I miss chips and hot sauce.
7. I miss chips and queso.
8. I miss tortillas.
9. I miss pizza with tomato sauce on it automatically, and not as an extra topping.
10. I miss chips and hot sauce.
11. Things smell funny here. Just get used to it.
12. Don't try to take a picture of old ladies chopping up exotic-looking fruit with a machete. They just might wave it menacingly in your direction.
13. Don't watch what the driver is doing. Ever. Just trust that you will get there in one, maybe two pieces and just deal. Otherwise, you will have a stroke before you get to the shopping streets, and that's not good for anyone.
14. Don't break glasses at the restaurant. They will charge you at least 3x what it's worth. Just ask Brian.
15. I miss chips and hot sauce.
16. Remember that you are taller and wider than the average Vietnamese. Just ask Brian as he's trying to get into a Honda Fit.
17. Don't take anything too seriously or personally. Unless it has to do with your baby - then you have full reign to kick some a--, should you deem that necessary.
18. Get the suite. You'll be glad you did.
19. Don't come in August. You'll be glad you didn't.
20. Don't be alarmed when the waiters take your baby from your arms at the table. They are trying to help, not kidnap. They know it's hard to eat with a baby. It's really quite sweet.
21. Be nice. Americans still have a bad rep in some parts of town, with good reason.
22. Bargain! Things are so cheap that you feel like a schmuck asking to pay even less, but they expect you do to that, and it's worth it. Offer 1/2 of what they quote, then go from there.
23. You cannot read Vietnamese. No one can. It's just a bunch of letters with queer markings on top of them. This is part of their plan to confuse you -- they find great humor in it, and it's all in fun.
24. Don't look both ways before crossing the street. This will confuse everyone.
25. Enjoy your stay - it's a great country!

Cuteness Alert!

Now, back to our program...

Sorry for the delay, folks. A little technical difficulty and day trip to Halong Bay has interfered with my blogging addiction. Kenna is settling in with us quite nicely. I have her in her sling right now, and she's napping as I type. She seems to have bonded with all of us already - but i know it's really too soon to tell until we can get her home. Her little personality is showing through a little more each day. She loves to babble nap and eat. She must be heaven sent to be just like me!

She's eating rice cereal and formula like a champ. She tends to like things a little on the hot side, and has no problem telling you to get the temp right. She likes to keep moving, however, and I am now re-learning the art of rocking and typing simultaneoulsy - please excuse the typos...i have a reason today.

Yesterday we took a 3 hour bus ride to Halong Bay, which is simply magnificent. If I can get the pics to upload, everyone will get to see. C loved the boat ride, and seeing the caves and fun creatures that had been naturally carved out of the limestone from hundreds of years of rainfall. It was a great adventure. K slept most of the way there, braved the "90 step climb" to the cave (yeah, right!!!) in the sling with me, and slept most of the way back to Hanoi. I have not sweated this much EVER!!!!!! I am not exaggerating here. I mean Texas is hot and sometimes humid, but there is always some air moving somewhere close. The air in the Bay was so thick and still with moisture that was pretty sure I was going to grow some gills in order to breathe!

We are in love with K. She is just so precious and adorable. We met a family here at the hotel who adopted their 14 month old from Bac Ninh a couple days before we met K. Their resemblance, mannerisms, facial and body structure and even their cries are VERY similar. We're wondering if they might have some kind of genetic relationship. It really is uncanny, and how wonderful if we could have some link to her biological family.

B is picking up K's passport today. K's medical evaluation for her Visa is tomorrow. I know they'll give her a clean bill of health, and then, we'll be ready to apply for her Visa. Our very, very tentative departure date could be as early as Friday. But nobody get too excited yet. We're really in no hurry to leave. C asked if we could live here all the time, and his native Texan mom, dad, and grandma were a little appalled, but i can see why he likes it so much!

We've eaten great food and met some wonderful people from all over the world. We've also risked life and limb crossing the street, riding in taxis, motorbikes and boats with holes in them. I'm excited to come home, but I hope to be able to return very soon to this amazing country. K has a vast and complex heritage that i need to absorb more of!

What you've all been waiting for

G&R

Wow, it's been such a whirlwind. I have no idea what really went on at the G&R, but I remember distinctly forcing myself NOT to Grab and Run! K's main caregiver brought her in to us at about 3:20. She had been specially bathed and dressed. I couldn't bear to change her clothes; the nannies took such care in dressing her, that it just didn't seem right. There were tears all around as the nanny handed her to me - it was amazing. She looked right into my eyes as if to say, "what took you so long?" She was in a little bit of shock, I think, but took it all in and was engaged and animated most of the time.

She is soooo little. Her G&R outfit was 0-3, and it was big on her! Needless to say, shopping must be done! We fed her a bottle and then it was off to sign the papers. A few signatures in a hot stuffy room later and she was ours! The ride back to the hotel was uneventful...she slept in B's arms most of the trip.

We spent the rest of the night getting to know each other. She's teething and up every few hours just to be comforted. She's a little less scared each time she wakes up. It must be so confusing with all the different people, faces, smells and sounds. But she's doing so great. We are in awe of her. She is strong and determined; sweet and affectionate. I love her to pieces, and I can't wait to see what she shows us next!

IT'S A GIRL!!!

Ok, this will be short and sweet - we have her, she's perfect and I have to get back to her because I can't bear for her to be out of my arms. She's tiny! 0-3 month clothes fit a little big! And her nannies say she's a great sleeper -- she is soooo meant to be in our family! She has 2 tiny little bottom teeth, and is just amazing. More later, but here are some pics!

Today is the day!!!

Our G&R ceremony is today at 3:30!!!!!!!!! We leave for the orphanage at 1:30 - Obviously I won't be sleeping tonight, but I'll need to get used to that with a new baby anyway, right? Cannot wait to hug and kiss our little girl! I won't be letting her go for a while, so you may want to get in line now :)

It's really happening!! After all of these years, with all the tears and setbacks, it's our turn!!

Tourist Faux Pas and other happenings...

***Pictures will be posted at the bottom of the page on a quasi-daily basis - feel free to skip my rantings and scroll down, but there's no baby there yet, so don't get your hopes up!***

First of all, no Grabbing and Running today. Bummer. We're all disappointed about that, but prospects for tomorrow look good. In the words of our guide, "hopefully and probably". Answers like that are never acceptable in my real ife, but I've had to get used to them in this adoption process for sure. We've come this far, so I guess another day won't matter, but I hate thinking of Kenna in the orphanage even one day longer than necessary.

Did I mention it was hot here? Today was even hotter and stickier than yesterday. It's hard to do a whole lot whilst melting away. Y'all know that B's keeping the room iceberg cold, and it is actually refreshing and not bone-chilling. FYI - the hallways are not air-conditioned. Odd, I know, so you pretty much start sweating on your way to the elevators (which are slow), and it just gets worse from there.

Since all our internal clocks are messed up, B was up at 430, and decided to walk around the lake. No joke. But the funny thing is: he was not alone. Apparently the entire city wakes up at 4:30 and subsequently power walks around the lake, or joins into a huge outdoor aerobics class up and down the street to blaring Vietnamese rock music. The video is quite humorous. If I can figure out how to upload it, I'll post it. B said it remined him of that scene in Ferris Beuller's Day Off where everyone is dancing in the street in sync. That's just crazy to me. I have been awake at 430 a lot in my time, but never have I once felt the urge to join a street party at that hour!

B and S went to the Ho Chi Minh masoleum today, and saw the Presidential Palace. I'm not big on seeing dead people, so I'm fine with just looking at their pictures. And I passed the Presidential Palace on the way to the FiviMart yesterday, so I'm good. The officials at the HCM tomb were not going to let B in because he was wearing shorts and flip-flops....attempts were made at wrapping a sarong around him, but after much frustration and consternation, they just waved him through, cursing under their breath, I'm sure. I would have paid good money to see B walking around in a skirt during that tour! Also, I'm told that he alarmed some schoolchildren with his giant feet. Meanwhile, C and I hung out at the hotel while I finished getting ready for our G&R, should that have happened today.

We did a little shopping and then came back for a swim while waiting for the phone to ring again. Again, I am amazed at the shopping here...so much fun!!!

Hanoi

This city is amazing. It truly has it's own unique personality and life-force. The people are so gracious and very accommodating, and they really do love children. Especially cute little American ones like C. He's been trying to avoid all the old ladies' cheek pinching -- they will follow him down the street and tell him how handsome he is! So cute - and if you know him, you can just picture him cocking his head to the side with a grin that will just melt your heart. We're all having a blast - C is tired of walking, but I could probably go all day! Very impressed with my Mary Jane Crocs, by the way.

We went to a HUGE market today, about a 10 minute taxi ride from the hotel, and it was filled with hundreds of vendors selling everything from silk to toys to lingerie, to local unidentifiable delicasies. Everyone was so kind, and even the bargaining was fun....they ask for at least twice what they expect to sell an item for, you offer less than half, and you banter back and forth (very good-naturedly) until a deal is made. Now, the street vendors are another story. They have no qualms about shoving whatever they're selling into C's face, and using him to make a sale. "Mommy, please?? For child??" And then of course, C chimes in with "yeah, Mommy, can I have it??" They also see Brian coming from miles away --a large American target who has "softie" written all over his face. They trail him down the sidewalk insisting he buy t-shirts, hats, pineapple, cyclo rides, fans...and he has a hard time saying "NO!!!" He tries to let them down easy, but they simply will not take no for an answer. Bit of advice - do NOT make eye contact. However, they're harmless and enjoy the dance.

We had the breakfast buffet at Jaspa's this morning - very good, very convenient (we're at the Somerset) and the service is impeccable...we're going to be so spoiled when we come home! Highlands Coffee did not disappoint, and made for a perfect spot to rest -- the smoothies were to die for; I'll def try the actual coffee soon! It is sooooooooooooo hot here. Fort Worth's heat is relatively dry and there's usually a breeze, but here in Hanoi you feel like the city one big sauna. We are all dripping sweat within minutes of stepping outside, and y'all know I don't sweat!!

We have a meeting with our guide in a few minutes to finalize some paperwork and we're hoping our G&R will be set for Thursday or Friday. "G&R" by the way, does not mean "Grab and Run" (thanks, R, for the giggle!) , although it certainly sums up what I'll feel like doing, I'm sure!!! It's the Giving and Receiving cermony where Kenna's adoption becomes final. I can't wait!!! We're all so ready for her to join us!

Looks like we made it..

We're here, in one piece and exhausted. I think it's about 3:30 a.m. Texas time, but of course 330 pm the next day here. Hotel is fantastic, traffic is crazy, Connor's napping, Brian's exploring the neighborhood and I'm about to crash...Hanoi looks like a fabulous place to explore and learn. Can't wait to check it out...we should find out about our G&R date in the morning, so I'll post then. I can't believe we're actually in Kenna's homeland! OMG they just delivered the crib! This is really happening!

In Taipei

We landed safely after a very nice flight - 13 hours actually went by fast! The crew was amazing, and they loved Connor, so of course now I think they are very smart, too. We have a 3 hour layover here and then it's off to Hanoi! We've been traveling over 24 hours now, and everyone is in one piece and we all still like each other, so that's all I can ask for really! Of course the Coke and chocolate i'm having for dinner (or i guess it's breakfast here) certainly helps! I'm running on battery power, and my laptop is flashing at me...I'll update when we get checked into the hotel.

We're almost there, Kenna!!

I love L.A.

Ok, not really. But I'm kinda partial to the Admirals Club in LAX. We're waiting out our 7 hour layover in the hoity-toity part of the airport...it's so very quiet in here. Not like an airport at all; more like a library. And the staff are kind of like stuck up librarians. Anyway...it's better than trying to rest on the tarmac, I guess.

The flight was uneventful, so it was great. The video i-Pod was our BFF for the entire flight. Connor watched TV shows that Brian downloaded for him, and then fell asleep 10 minutes before we landed. He napped long enough for us to be the last people off the plane - never wake a sleeping kiddo, right?

Connor is having a great time telling everyone who will sit still long enough about going to VN to pick up his baby sister. Everyone from the ticket agents, TSA people, flight attendants, strangers in the waiting area....It's very cute, and he's just so proud and showing her picture around like he's a new parent. I hope this sibling love continues at least long enough to get them both home safely. His little world is about to morph into something he could never imagine. Not that i can really speak to that, since I'm an only child myself, but I'm thinking it may be quite a rude awakening for him. He has offered to feed and change her, but has not offered to share any toys, that's for sure.

Well, this next flight from LAX to Taipei will be quite the experience. 14-15 hours of flight time is enough to stretch the limits of the most seasoned travelers, i'm sure, so there's no telling what it will do to us.

Reality check

Ok, people....this is it! We're actually leaving for Vietnam TODAY!!! We've been dreaming and planning for this day for about 3 years, and somehow it's still not quite real. Bags are packed, dogs are off to their cousin's house, iPod is loaded, passports and visas are...hmm.....oh, here they are....

I feel strangely calm today. I'm sure there's stuff left to do, but I think it will be ok. It's only a few weeks. Everything and everyone can wait until then. We're at the final, best stage of this journey of a lifetime, and it feels pretty good. Knowing that I will actually be holding my daughter this week is absolutely surreal. She, however, has no clue of what's about to happen to her. She's spent her entire life in an orphanage, and to go from that to our craziness is going to rock her little world. I hope with all my heart that she has bonded with the nannies. This means that she has experienced true love and affection and will be able to bond with us. I hope for her a smooth, peaceful transition into our hearts and arms.

And i can't wait to put bows in her hair!!!!!

Off to triple check my suitcases. May have forgotten the kitchen sink. I'll post as I can, and will be thinking of you all. I hope you'll follow along with us.

And We're Off!

We're leaving for VN on Sunday and will be there for almost 3 weeks. I'll blog from there as much as I can, but I may just spend all my time with our newest family member, and i'll may no apolgies for that! We'll be there soon, Kenna!!

Nevermind

I know International Adoption has been compared to a roller coaster, but this is ridiculous. We're not going until next week at the earliest. There was a meeting with the adoption aofficials and the Department of Justice, and now they are requiring another pseudo-investigation/approval before they grant any more G&R's in several provinces. Bac Ninh is one of them. I've been assured it's just another formality, and that in the long run, it will not matter at all. That is not comforting right now. How am I going to explain this to the proudest big brother i've ever seen?

It's like all the air was just let out of me. I feel numb.

Ok, make that SATURDAY!!!

Things change every other minute, it seems, but at this point, we can get a better flight out on Saturday night and it gives us some more time to pack (or freak out, either one)

Bringing Bac Ninh Babies Home!

I'm so thrilled to be able to announce that two more of our Thai Nguyen

More Bac Ninh Babies on the way home!!

I'm so thrilled to announce that 2 more of our original Thai Nguyen group have received their travel approval for their babies in Bac Ninh. They will be traveling next Friday, and boy, do they have a journey in front of them!! I can't wait to hear all about it, and for us to finally get these 4 very special babies together. Their story is so unique to just them, and they are in a very tiny, select group of children who, but for the grace of God, would not be about to come home to these families. Their adoptive parents have survived stumbling blocks and tragedies beyond comprehension to finally bring them home. Fate, disguised as beauracracy sometimes described as 'evil', has twisted and turned these families and babies through a ride of a lifetime. These, the TN 4 are so very special, so very loved, and their parents are so very blessed to be their parents.

Godspeed, good friends!

WE'RE GOING TO VIETNAM!!! ON FRIDAY!!!!

No time to post much, but OMG. I'm basically throwing my family's crap in a bag and just winging it. Looks like we'll be leaving on Friday night! This is crazy!!!!!!!!

WE'RE GOING TO VIETNAM!!!

Well, I guess all that complaining paid off!!!! We got approval this morning at 2:30 a.m. Something told me to wake up and check my email, and voila! There it was! The USCIS even sent their "best wishes"! They must like me!

I am at a loss at what to write -- that NEVER happens! There's too much going on in my brain right now....from flights, to travel, to hotels to OMG I have to buy diapers! And Desenex. And Dramamine. And...where the hell did that list go with all the stuff on it that I have to bring, and all the stuff I needed to do before we travel? Oh yeah, I have about 50 lists....now if I could just find one.

I am a rambling idiot this morning. BUT WE'RE GOING TO VIETNAM!!!! Hang on, little one, you'll be home soon!

Free Fallin'

Ok - everyone see that big huge clock counting the days over to your right???? It's still going...and going....I wish I had an Energizer Bunny icon to smash over the head with a large stick. And I'm a vegetarian. THATs how frustrated and anxious I am right now. I told someone today that I am no longer hanging by a very thin, fraying thread. The thread has finally given way and I'm in free fall mode. Somebody better be down there to catch me. I'm just sayin'...it's a l-o-n-g way down.

In other news, Connor goes back to school in a few weeks. Where did the summer go? It totally flew by, and soon we'll be back-to-school shopping (which I LOVE -- especially the school supplies. I'm a sucker for a new pen or pencil every time!). Oh, but wait - I thought I'd be packing for our trip instead of worrying about back to school, and shopping for travel-sized shampoos and such instead of #2 pencils. Again, a new paradigm to adjust to. I wish my head would stay in front of my heart for once. When we thought we'd be ahead of schedule in our travel, I just let myself go there and believe it. Again. I've GOT to stop this!!! Not that I've totally given up on earlier-than-planned travel, but every day that goes by on that damn counter over there shoves that thought farther and farther from reality. I hate reality. I do, however, love the movie, Reality Bites.

Ok, my brain is sufficiently scattered...off to escape to mindless TV. Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock...

Where, oh where...?

Where the heck is my i-600 approval, people????? As you can see, the clock to the right of this post keeps ticking, yet nothing of any value has graced my inbox or snail-mail box as of yet. (Except a Finding Nemo birthday party invitation.) And I just ran out to check the mail just in case. NO, it's not in my spam folder. NO, it hasn't been blocked. YES the wonderful, caring folks at the USCIS have my address. YES it's the right one. YES I am losing all grip on that thin illusive thread I like to call sanity. YES I am talking to myself. YES I am answering. YES I know this is a bad sign...

I'm stalking my inbox, stalking my mail carrier...this wait is turning me into a person I barely recognize. I usually avoid my mail, mail carrier, post office, postage meter and all things mail-related because bad things like bills appear there. Very bad things.

On a different note, we have received more information on our daughter that is very personal and private -- things that we will share with her when the questions start flying and the back-talk starts. Information on her very first days on this Earth are scarce and somewhat scary. We we soak up each bit and commit it to memory so that one day we'll be able to intelligently talk to her about the miracle and mystery of her birth. But first, WE HAVE TO GET HER HOME!!

So again, the waiting. I often hear others say that everything happens in God's time. Let me just posit this: His time is too slow. I get that He is all-knowing, but I also know that He has all the freaking time in the world. I, however, do not. And I just want this part of our lives to get a move-on, already. I'm ready to start the next chapter. And God knows I'm a fast reader, so I've been ready for this for quite a while now.

So, to God and USCIS...let's get this party started!

Travel Congrats!

To my daughter's housemate's parents -- safe, speedy and fabulous travels to you all!!! Some of you in this group waited as little as 29 days from Acknowledgement to Approval. That means I may realistically hear something very, very soon!

And if anyone happens to be in Room 11 and happens to take a quick pic of the beautiful baby(ies) in that room (that's Room 11).... feel free to share!!

Learn From My Mistake....

Blogging is hard work. I know it seems like a little post here, a little post there, some pictures, and SHAZAM - you have a blog. But it's not that simple. Like when you try to be extra-specially super-creative, and all of a sudden all of your stuff is gone. G-O-N-E. Gone. Adios Amigo - Sayonara. Goodbye, old chum....everything is gone except the actual typed stuff. BUT i do have a really cool background now. And if you don't like it, keep it to yourself. I'm not quite at the point where I'm ready to say it was all worth it for the cool background.

So, the lesson for today, children, is to PAY ATTENTION when your computer asks you (in big red letters, no less) if you're SURE you want to delete all the previous widgets. Your answer should be NO! Absolutely not! Go Back, Go Back! Cancel! Make it stop, please!!!

At least now I know what a widget is.

Wish me luck on my reconstruction.

Still Waiting (in case you were curious)

I have become an expert at the "hurry up and wait" game. Every time we reach a big milestone, we rush around like crazy people for a few days to make sure no one, especially the USCIS is waiting on us for anything. Then we submit our work. Then we wait. And wait. And wait. So that's what we're still doing. Today, next week, next month....hopefully the month after that we'll be rushing around to make travel arrangements. We went to get our fingerprints retaken AGAIN. Apparently fingerprints expire. Explain that one to me. I'm sure the government knows better than I do, but seriously?

So we ventured to our neighborhood USCIS office (clear across town, in a Mexican shopping mall) to get this redone. Brian was on his way to the Courthouse, so he couldn't wait with Connor and I when we had to come back "in an hour". There was no explanation for that except that they were busy. There were about 8 employees taking care of 6 people. HUGE rush, right? So we make our way down to the conveniently located mall playground where Connor played and made friends with a little girl whose parents were also going back "in an hour".

When our hour was about up, we returned only to be told that I had to go back to my car and leave my cell phone in it. I'm sure my CrackBerry was receiving terrorist messages and instructions from K and R, and that they could be perceived as a threat to our sovereignty. I mean, deciding who R should date is quite controversial, and of specific interest to Homeland Security. So I dragged Connor back to the car, mumbling choice expletives about the USCIS that he pretended not to hear out of pure shock, I'm sure. Mere minutes later, we were back in business. Since Connor wasn't being fingerprinted, he wasn't allowed within the imaginary confines of some imaginary area that was not marked nor fenced in. But as soon as he stepped over the "line", one of the 8 employees would rocket over and tell him to move back. He did look especially menacing that morning. Who can blame them?

Employee number 4 finally was the one to do the deed. All the while talking about the new Batman movie and how he's seen Ironman 6 times, and it gets better and better every time. And how he can't wait for Dark Knight to come out on DVD so he could watch it whenever he wants. While enamored with his encyclopedic knowledge of Batman, I just needed to get out of there before I committed a federal offense. At least he wasn't yelling at my kid.

As we walked to the car (again), Connor asked why those people couldn't be just a little nicer, "we're just trying to bring my baby sister home for goodness sake!" I couldn't have said it better myself, kiddo.

Loss

Heaven has another angel. A 4-month old little girl in our daughter's orphanage died on Friday in VN. She was sick for many weeks and although she fought as long as she could, she was not able to overcome her illness. She is now healthy and whole in heaven, watching over the other babies in the orphanage. She was about a week younger than Kenna.

I am so sad for my friend and her family. They previously lost a referral, and now this. It's unbearably tragic. Losing a child is the worst possible pain in the universe. Hands down. I am utterly convinced of this, and sadly I know from personal experience. And although this little girl had not come home to her Forever Family yet, she was my friend's daughter. It does not matter one bit that she did not grow in her womb, or that she had not yet felt her mother's touch. She was loved as only a child can be loved by her parents, and I'm sure my friend's loss is no less heartbreaking and painful than mine. A loss of a baby cuts your soul so deeply that there are days that I still feel physical pain. Time does not heal all wounds. Things that don't kill you do not necessarily make you stronger. Life will not return to normal. You have to find a new normal without your child.


To those who are not experinced in adoption, the moment you see your referral picture is very similar to seeing your baby's hearbeat on the sonogram for the first time. I know it sounds strange, but that's how it was for me. I was flooded with the same joy, happiness, fear and bewilderment when that tiny flickering light representing Connor's heart appeared on the screen. The referral picture that pops up on the computer screen is your child. The agency tells us not to get too attached, but it is impossible for most of us. You are immediately in love with this little person who has instantly filled your heart with such immense gladness that you feel you might burst.

I wish my friend peace and healing as she grieves her loss. I wish there were more I could do or say, but I know there isn't anything. I pray her family and friends surround her with gentleness and grace.

Acknowledgement

I love that the word "acknowledgement" made my heart leap when I saw it in my inbox yesterday. It's strange what this adoption journey will do to a previously sane person! We received a 2 sentence letter from USCIS in Vietnam saying that they have received our I-600 for the baby. Ok, the fact that it was sent "overnight" 2 weeks ago from California was briefly overlooked. But it is there! It has been seen and stamped by someone seemingly important! No government paper-pushers here....only 2 measly weeks (mere nanoseconds in a 3 year adoption!) for a person to open an envelope and stamp its contents and send an acknowledgement! That's your tax dollars at work, folks! And I'm more than happy with it at this point.

So what all this means is that in about 60 days, someone else will put an "approved" stamp on our baby girl's application, and we can make travel arrangements to bring her home!! I hope whoever holds that stamp isn't going on vacation any time soon...

Adoption Video

Just thought I'd share....have tissues handy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSOraqQ9YfM

When? When? When?

I've been reading lots of my cyber-friends' blogs over the last few weeks. It's wonderful to see all of you in Vietnam, enjoying your babies! But you know, I'm just a tad jealous. OK, a LOT jealous. However, I am learning a lot about y'all's time there. Obviously, traffic is crazy...and i just need to take extra anti-anxiety drugs. (any of you in tight with the CCAA, keep your mouths shut!) We are waiting impatiently-- the days get longer and longer by the hour.

My Thai Nguyen log-in date buddies who were able to keep their referrals are FINALLY travelling, and I'm so happy for them. With the province blocked and the ridiculous Embassy craziness, it has been a very hard wait for them filled with uncertainties and anger, tears and finally, unbelievable joy. I pray that Kamryn, ours in our hearts for just a few short months, is already home with her forever family, and that no one has seen her in the orphanges. If you have, don't tell me. I don't think I could bear it.

Kenna is four months old!!! I can't even remember what babies that age do. I need to re-read my parenting books for sure! We hope to have her home by the time she's 6-8 months old. Still so tiny, but I've missed so much. I guess because I knew Connor from birth, I know what I'm missing.

Progress

It seems our case is moving along. We just sent in our i-600, so that's our last big step. Now we wait....again....for approval of that piece of paper (someone just stamp the darn thing, please!) so we can apply for our travel visa, book airfare and hotels and actually (dare I say it?) travel to Vietnam! Approval can take 60 days. Or more. Or less. Business days. Or Calendar days. This hurry-up-and-wait game is getting really old!!

I'm daring myself to be optimistic at this point that everything will work out, and that we'll be bringing our daughter home this fall. How many times can I put my heart out there like that, only to have it trampled on again and again? Apparently, countless times. Ahh...the joys of parenthood...love it!

Adoptive Parents Checklist

Ok, this is stolen from another blog, who stole it from another blog, so it must be true, right?

You know you are an adoptive mother (or you should be!) if:
1. The fact that there are 143 million children without a parent to kiss them goodnight has ever made you lose sleep.
2. You realize DNA has nothing to do with love and family.
3. You can't watch Adoption Stories on TLC without sobbing.
4. You spend free time surfing blogs about families who have experienced the blessing of adoption.
5. It drives you crazy when people ask you about your adopted child's "real" parents.
6. You have ever been "pregnant" with your adoptive child longer than it takes an elephant to give birth (2 years!)
7. You had no idea how you would afford to adopt but stepped out in faith anyway knowing it would all work out somehow.
8. You have ever taken a airplane ride half way around the world with a child you just met.
9. You believe God's heart is for adoption.
10. You realize that welcoming a child into your heart and family is one of the most important legacy's you could ever leave on this earth.
11. You shudder when people say your child is so lucky that you adopted them, knowing full well you are the blessed one to have them in your life.
12. You know what the word Dossier means and you can actually pronounce it!
13. You have welcomed a social worker into the most private parts of your life. Willingly.

That's our life in a nutshell....it's been a long, long, uphill-both-ways-in-the-snow kind of journey. But I really feel like we're almost there!

Emma Jane

Dear Emma -

Today would have been your 3rd birthday. I just imagine what you would have been doing and saying and teaching us at this age. I'm quite sure you would have been quite a little character. Somewhere between Tomboy and Princess -- not afraid to get dirty, but needing to change outfits as soon as possible! As it is, you have been with us every day. I smile every time I see a sunflower or a butterfly. On the day you died, sunflowers lined both sides of street on the way to our house. I'll never forget how beautiful it was. At your funeral, a tiny white butterfly landed on the sunflowers I picked for you. We all felt like we lost so much when you died, but you showed us how much we really had to be thankful for. You are a gift to my soul. I love you more than there are words to express.

All my love always,
Mommy

Drum roll, please!

We have been matched with another baby girl!! She is in Bac Ninh province in Northern Vietnam. She was born on February 12, 2008, and at 2 months old, was just 7.5 pounds and 21 inches long. She is perfect.

We are in love all over again. How do you fall in love with a picture of a baby you've never met, thousands of miles away in a country you've never visited? The bigger question is how can you not? We should travel in early fall to Vietnam, and we couldn't be more thrilled. So far, everything is moving as planned, no pitfalls, no delays....all we can do is hope and pray that it stays that way. It took us a long time to tell Connor the story of what happened to Kamryn -- it's so hard to write her name still -- but he understands as much as a 5 year-old can. And as a little boy who I think is wiser than his years, he can comprehend so much more. When we told him that Kamryn was going home with another family, he only had one question, "Will she be safe?" And once I assured him of that, he was ok. He's been through a lot with this adoption journey, too, and he has moments of frustration as we all do.

And, here we go again...

This link explains the U.S. version of what is happening in Vietnamese adoptions right now....

http://news. yahoo.com/ s/ap/20080428/ ap_on_re_ as/vietnam_ us_adoption

Just remember that things are not always what they seem. I think the press did the best they could with the information they were given by our government, but the story should not be taken as absolute truth in what is going on. The deadlines in the article do not apply to where we are in the process at this time -- we are past all that.

Will our adoption will be ok? I sure hope so. To quote my Magic 8 Ball, "All signs point to yes". Thankfully, we didn't get "Try Again Later". Again, we are cautiously optimistic...

GREAT THINGS are happening!

There are FABULOUS things happening this week in our adoption saga...I have been asked not to share details, but let's just say we have every reason to be thrilled and relieved. We enter yet another new phase, and when I've been given the green light, I'll be cyber-shouting from the rooftops! Thanks to everyone who has kept us in your prayers -- every little bit helps!

Good Things are Happening

I don't want to jump the gun here, but we have been informed that things are progressing well, relatively quickly and in our favor. There seems to be light at the end of this very dusky tunnel! I will post more when I have more specific information to share. But for now let's just say we are thrilled to see some positive movement and are back to holding our breath once again. Prayers of all kinds are accepted and encouraged!

No news is..no news

I wish there were something good to post about the adoption craziness, but alas, nothing. Again. So I will gush about Connor instead.

Today is his first t-ball game of the season. He's pretty much a pro now -- this being his 4th "season". He's a good fielder, and can can hit the be-jeezus out of a ball. He especially likes fielding a short grounder and passing out snacks.

He's reading more and more each day, and is excited about the new words he finds each day. He loves math, and adds and substracts better than I do. It's amazing what kids learn in Kindergarten these days! He really enjoys art projects and has a great imagination. He's 4 feet tall now, and his feet are only a few sizes smaller than mine!!! I always figured he'd be taller than me, but at this rate, it will be next year!

He likes to play outside with his friends and help Brian with all sorts of outdoor building and maintenance projects. The home improvement possibilities are endless! He also loves to help me cook and do laundry - hopefully he'll be able to take over that chore entirely very soon!

He's a great kid with a sweet, honorable, caring nature. We are tremendously proud of him and know that he will continue to amaze us at every turn!

A Dream Deferred

It's taken me a long time to update what has happened in our adoption story, and for that I am sorry. It has been a month of emotional lows...very low lows, and I was afraid of writing it down for fear that the nightmare would become real. Well it's real, and there's no changing it. So, deep breath, here it goes...

Kamryn is no longer our little girl. She will be going to live with another family, probably in France or Italy. It is possible that she is already there. To explain what happened is to try to make sense of the nonsensical.

The U.S. Embassy in Thai Nguyen province is not following directions, and not playing well with others. The provincial officials are not allowing required investigations to occur because the U.S. Embassy officials are not following protocol, making up their own rules, and being downright mean to orphanage directors, officials and staff, who want nothing more than to see these babies have a good home.

Other countries are not having these issues, and the babies assigned to these families are going home within a matter of weeks after referral. It used to be that way for U.S. families, too. Under normal circumstances, since we received notice that Kamryn was ours on 10/30, we would normally have travelled and brought her home by Christmas, most likely. But on November 1, 2007, the U.S. Government instituted their own rules without any input from families, officials, certainly not me!! Well, like most people, the Vietnamese government doesn't like to be told what to do and how to do it, especially by people who don't know what they're doing.

So long story short, while VN would allow all adoptions to happen from all countries at the same pace, the U.S. due to their own ridiculous rule-picking and choosing, has slowed it's international adoption program in Thai Nguyen province, to a crawl....ok, let's be honest....it has stopped completely. The U.S. Embassy has no intention of allowing any Thai Nguyen babies leave Vietnam with a U.S. family. Vietnam wants the babies in loving homes ASAP, and if another country can provide that, then that's where the baby goes. And that's what happened to Kamryn.

We have been through the gamut of emotions...shock, anger, grief, sadness, and over and over again. While it is not the same as the death of a child, it is certainly the death of a dream. It's a huge blow, and we just hurt. We loved her the second we laid eyes on her, and she became a part of our family. She has a nursery, toys, a closet full of clothes, a name, a big brother... everything was ready for her, and so were we. We certainly do take comfort in the fact that she will no longer be in the orphanage, and is hopefully with parents who adore her.

She will be home for her birthday after all , it just won't be our home.

This same thing happened to 4 other families waiting for babies from Thai Nguyen. We are all in a very small, strange boat that seems to be sinking most days. We have been told that the next 5 babies available for adoptions in other provinces will go to each of us. We do not have a gender preference any longer, so we are expecting either a girl OR boy. (I know! It's hard for us to wrap our brains around it, too!) That could happen "any day" and/or "very soon" depending on which rumor mill I choose to listen to that day.

The baby will be young, very young. Like 60 days young. And our investigations will be very quick, our travel expedited, our stay in Vietnam shorter. Or at least, that's what we're told.

We have not shared this with Connor. Until we are certain that this next child will be coming home with us, I'm scared to confuse him further. He thinks of Kamryn as his sister already, and until we have some concrete answers to his questions, I can't begin to explain to him what happened to her. He still kisses her picture every day. At least we know she is safe and healthy.

So....that's the latest. It sucks. Positively Sucks. There is no other way to put it, and no other way to feel about it from our perspective. I will be renaming the blog eventually, but for now, it's one less thing I have to re-think. One day I'll be able to take her pictures off of the fridge, too, but that day is not today.

Chinese adoptions are still progressing. However, the political situation in Tibet, the Olympics and my new pessimistic attitude are not good signs for the future of that program either. I wish there really was a stork who would just drop a baby at our doorstep. I'll leave a basket out front just in case.

For more information on the VN issues right now, and if you want to help, go to www.bringourchildrenhome.org.

Great News for Two Weary Families

Two precious babies in Vietnamese orphanages caught in the middle of a government disagreement over semantics and rule enforcement (of rules that don't exist) have been cleared to reunite with their adoptive families again!! I am absolutely thrilled for these families, but incredibly upset that any of this had to happen at all.

The Vietnamese government granted the adoptions many months ago. These families were prepared to bring their babies home with them at that point. Imagine what they must have felt when they had to leave their new babies 5,000 miles away, and not know whether they would ever see them again.

Our U.S. Embassy personnel in Vietnam has been holding the babies' Visas hostage to conduct "further investigation". Just so you know, NO further investigation was ever done. There was never ANY evidence or even a real possibility of any suspicious dealings regarding these adoptions. Not one bit. Every step of this process was documented. Every rule was followed. These babies were just like hundreds of others adopted from Vietnam last year, with the same sets of circumstances and loving parents wanting to take them home.

Tragically, there is no accountability to the families waiting or the babies who have been in an orphanage for SIX MONTHS longer than they should have been. There is no way to replace what they have lost, what they have missed. All that time their mommies and daddies and big brothers and sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents could have been caring for them and loving them is lost forever. And no one will admit that a international tug-of-war fueled by huge egos in our government is to blame.

I hope these people in OUR embassy, paid by OUR taxes to support U.S. citizens and their families are proud of themselves for the job they have done. The damage tthey have caused the families is permanent. The cost to the children is immeasurable.

I wish these 2 families all the peace and joy they deserve. I wish for them a safe journey and an unforgettable reunion with the children they were forced to leave behind.

None of this was necessary, most of it was cruel. I am sending letters to my congressional representatives today regarding our own issues and experience with the process. I invite anyone out there to do the same. There is a link on the right side called bringourchildrenhome.org with lots of helpful information and sample letters.

Rhino Virus Update

Here's the latest news on the Rhino Virus -- it doesn't look like much progress has been made in the treatment or diagnosis. Let's just pray it quits spreading through the orphanages. Those children are going through enough!

http://vietnamnews.vnagency.com.vn/showarticle.php?num=02HEA260208

A little sensitivity, please

A second child and the end to my free time....it has been mentioned that with the arrival of the second child, my life as i know it will cease to exist.

First of all, what free time? It has obviously escaped notice that I am raising a son, running a business, running a household, representing children of all ages, fighting 3 governments simultaneously, and trying to do it all reasonably well.

Second. I would give ANYTHING to have many parts of my life as i know it cease to exist. I would give anything, especially my free time, to have had my second child 2 years and 8 months ago. I would give anything, especially my free time, to not have debilitating panic attacks and the bouts of depression that I brought home instead of my baby girl. Yes, they make me hibernate and avoid everyone. But I'm not napping, people. I'm escaping. I would give anything to have that second child right now, regardless of the "inconvenience" it is somehow going to bring to my life. I WANT the problems that come with the logistics of more than one child. i WANT to race from tball to dance to soccer and back again. i WANT the craziness, I would revel in such craziness and be grateful for it every day.

And third. Inferring that my life is so good right now because of the lack of two living children at home hurts my feelings. And those of you who know me should know that. Please stop.

Mad Season

I wish I had some good news to report. The latest thing is that a lot of babies in the northern provinces of Vietnam have been infected with a very bad rhino virus. If you look further down in the blog, the latest pictures of Kamryn show a little girl with a pretty bad cold. Luckily for her (and us) that's all it was. 2 children have died from this virus while waiting for their families.

The cold and rainy season has lasted WAY longer than usual in Vietnam this year. According to our agency reps, temps usually start rising in January. Here it is almost March, and they've just been hit with a really strong cold front again. Some of the orphanages do not have heat, some just don't have sufficient heat. Many of these same orphanages do not have adequate cooling systems for the tropical summer months.

When I'm asked why I just don't adopt "one from here", more and more I'm inferring that at least here in the U.S., children don't grow up in orphanages. Even with it's flaws, and believe me, I have a laundry list, parentless children still have a HOME, a "family". We don't subject our children to orphanages and the perils of institutionalized care. Foster children here have adequate heating and cooling, an endless supply of ready-to-drink water, enough formula, enough food, adequate shelter. That is not the case in developing countries.

Some think that we feel we're "saving" a child...to follow that line of thinking, which i don't, foster children here are not in as much need of saving, in my opinion. It's just my opinion, though. My ready answer as to "why (fill in country here)" is that "that's where my daughter is". It's that simple.

There is a NY Times article highlighting the VN adoption challenges faced by some of the families stuck in the middle of it all. Here's a link: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/11/us/11adopt.html?ex=1203397200&en=4d87ecbf081a3e53&ei=5070&emc=eta1

Our girls will come to us in exactly the right time for our family. I just have to keep saying that and believing it. My needs and wishes about my family clearly are NOT within my control....and I have to stop obsessing to be able to fully appreciate the greatness of my family as it exists today.

I have been waiting for years for it to be "complete". but the truth is that the family was complete before we even had our first child. My husband and I completed our family when we got married. And for now, our first (miracle) child does complete us (sorry, Jerry Maquire), to say otherwise would be to diminish who he is in our hearts. It would be cheating him to say he wasn't enough for us.

They will come home. I cannot doubt it or question it or explain it. It just is.

China update

At last count, we have waited about 20 months since our China LID for Keira's referral. The latest projected referral date for her is July 2009. I'm thinking if we complete our family in this decade, that would be nice.

The wheels of the CCAA just keep turning, though they seem to have lost a lot of tread and need a rotation and alignment check. No one knows what goes on in the epicenter of Chinese adoption. The government is incredibly secretive, which makes the whole thing seem ever more mysterious than it probably is.

However, stacks and stacks of parents' approved files (like ours) have been sitting there collecting dust. Each one of those file represents a child and an entire family just waiting, with no power to do anything about it. For us it means that though life goes on while we wait, there is always a part of us that's not quite present or complete. Our hearts just ache. And though we can get through the day-to-day quite well to the untrained eye, sometimes it's just too much. All three of us have moments of frustration, anger, sadness and total confusion about why this is taking so long. I think it's hardest on Connor. He's been waiting for a baby sister since 2004. He was just a baby himself when Emma died, but like for all of us, she made an impression on his soul. And now that he's "almost a grown up", explaining all of this is very complicated.

Ah, well...such is parenthood, and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

No updates, but new pictures!

She's amazing! I'm in awe of how much she is growing and developing. She's standing on her own!! I can't believe it.
There are a lot of babies in this room. some are standing, perhaps walking...all seem to be well cared for and kept warm! I'm counting no less than 4 layers. And that blue coat is too cute. I do wish she had some socks on...

It's hard to watch her grow up on my laptop. Every day means potentially one less milestone I'll get to witness in person. But she has a lifetime left. We really hope that she'll be home with us before her first birthday. When we first saw her picture, we had no doubt that would be the case. But international situations change daily. It's hard enough to follow our own government's progress (?), let alone another country's.

Connor went on a field trip to the Post Office at DFW Airport today, where they gave him a bag-full of souvenirs, including a surgical mask (for Anthrax?) and his very own Postal Employee Helper ID Badge. They also got the opportunity to welcome home some U.S. Soldiers at the airport. He loved this, and was thrilled that he got to shake so many "hero hands".

No Excuses

Blogging can wear you out. Life comes at you fast, and before you know it, 3 months pass and you haven't taken a minute to reflect on the wonders you've been blessed with. I know it's late for resolutions, but hey, in Vietnam, New Year's isn't until February, so I'm going with that.

I will blog more!!!

Update on our girl. Little Kamryn Grace was born on April 29, 2007. She resides in the Thai Nguyen Social Welfare Center in Thai Nguyen Province. Here's a picture:

That's a little north of Hanoi. She's amazing. I spend hours just staring at her picture, and examining every little detail of her face, toes and fingers. I think it's hard for people to understand that seeing her for the first time was a lot like seeing your newborn after giving birth. It's that rush of unconditional, unimaginable joy and love that has no comparison. She is yours and you are hers.

To that end, we found out she was chosen for us on October 30, 2007. The joy of that day is indescribable. We were all in tears, just staring at her on our computer screen. True, it's an odd way to meet your child for the first time, but to us it seemed perfectly natural, and there is no question that she is meant for us.

We hope to travel to Hanoi and on to Thai Nguyen sometime this Spring. I wish I knew more than that. There are still paperwork details that both governments are working through. This is not anything out of the ordinary, it's just the process. And from this side of the globe, the process gets more and more ridiculous day by day.

We are working on our third Home Study Update, and third Child Abuse Screening/Clearance, and soon, our third set of fingerprints since submitting our original paperwork in late 2005. I can't believe it has been that long since we began this craziness! Since then, I think I have aged about 15 years!

Connor is getting ready for his fourth season of T-Ball. Wow. Life comes at you fast. If you blink, you might miss it.