No news is..no news

I wish there were something good to post about the adoption craziness, but alas, nothing. Again. So I will gush about Connor instead.

Today is his first t-ball game of the season. He's pretty much a pro now -- this being his 4th "season". He's a good fielder, and can can hit the be-jeezus out of a ball. He especially likes fielding a short grounder and passing out snacks.

He's reading more and more each day, and is excited about the new words he finds each day. He loves math, and adds and substracts better than I do. It's amazing what kids learn in Kindergarten these days! He really enjoys art projects and has a great imagination. He's 4 feet tall now, and his feet are only a few sizes smaller than mine!!! I always figured he'd be taller than me, but at this rate, it will be next year!

He likes to play outside with his friends and help Brian with all sorts of outdoor building and maintenance projects. The home improvement possibilities are endless! He also loves to help me cook and do laundry - hopefully he'll be able to take over that chore entirely very soon!

He's a great kid with a sweet, honorable, caring nature. We are tremendously proud of him and know that he will continue to amaze us at every turn!

A Dream Deferred

It's taken me a long time to update what has happened in our adoption story, and for that I am sorry. It has been a month of emotional lows...very low lows, and I was afraid of writing it down for fear that the nightmare would become real. Well it's real, and there's no changing it. So, deep breath, here it goes...

Kamryn is no longer our little girl. She will be going to live with another family, probably in France or Italy. It is possible that she is already there. To explain what happened is to try to make sense of the nonsensical.

The U.S. Embassy in Thai Nguyen province is not following directions, and not playing well with others. The provincial officials are not allowing required investigations to occur because the U.S. Embassy officials are not following protocol, making up their own rules, and being downright mean to orphanage directors, officials and staff, who want nothing more than to see these babies have a good home.

Other countries are not having these issues, and the babies assigned to these families are going home within a matter of weeks after referral. It used to be that way for U.S. families, too. Under normal circumstances, since we received notice that Kamryn was ours on 10/30, we would normally have travelled and brought her home by Christmas, most likely. But on November 1, 2007, the U.S. Government instituted their own rules without any input from families, officials, certainly not me!! Well, like most people, the Vietnamese government doesn't like to be told what to do and how to do it, especially by people who don't know what they're doing.

So long story short, while VN would allow all adoptions to happen from all countries at the same pace, the U.S. due to their own ridiculous rule-picking and choosing, has slowed it's international adoption program in Thai Nguyen province, to a crawl....ok, let's be honest....it has stopped completely. The U.S. Embassy has no intention of allowing any Thai Nguyen babies leave Vietnam with a U.S. family. Vietnam wants the babies in loving homes ASAP, and if another country can provide that, then that's where the baby goes. And that's what happened to Kamryn.

We have been through the gamut of emotions...shock, anger, grief, sadness, and over and over again. While it is not the same as the death of a child, it is certainly the death of a dream. It's a huge blow, and we just hurt. We loved her the second we laid eyes on her, and she became a part of our family. She has a nursery, toys, a closet full of clothes, a name, a big brother... everything was ready for her, and so were we. We certainly do take comfort in the fact that she will no longer be in the orphanage, and is hopefully with parents who adore her.

She will be home for her birthday after all , it just won't be our home.

This same thing happened to 4 other families waiting for babies from Thai Nguyen. We are all in a very small, strange boat that seems to be sinking most days. We have been told that the next 5 babies available for adoptions in other provinces will go to each of us. We do not have a gender preference any longer, so we are expecting either a girl OR boy. (I know! It's hard for us to wrap our brains around it, too!) That could happen "any day" and/or "very soon" depending on which rumor mill I choose to listen to that day.

The baby will be young, very young. Like 60 days young. And our investigations will be very quick, our travel expedited, our stay in Vietnam shorter. Or at least, that's what we're told.

We have not shared this with Connor. Until we are certain that this next child will be coming home with us, I'm scared to confuse him further. He thinks of Kamryn as his sister already, and until we have some concrete answers to his questions, I can't begin to explain to him what happened to her. He still kisses her picture every day. At least we know she is safe and healthy.

So....that's the latest. It sucks. Positively Sucks. There is no other way to put it, and no other way to feel about it from our perspective. I will be renaming the blog eventually, but for now, it's one less thing I have to re-think. One day I'll be able to take her pictures off of the fridge, too, but that day is not today.

Chinese adoptions are still progressing. However, the political situation in Tibet, the Olympics and my new pessimistic attitude are not good signs for the future of that program either. I wish there really was a stork who would just drop a baby at our doorstep. I'll leave a basket out front just in case.

For more information on the VN issues right now, and if you want to help, go to www.bringourchildrenhome.org.

Great News for Two Weary Families

Two precious babies in Vietnamese orphanages caught in the middle of a government disagreement over semantics and rule enforcement (of rules that don't exist) have been cleared to reunite with their adoptive families again!! I am absolutely thrilled for these families, but incredibly upset that any of this had to happen at all.

The Vietnamese government granted the adoptions many months ago. These families were prepared to bring their babies home with them at that point. Imagine what they must have felt when they had to leave their new babies 5,000 miles away, and not know whether they would ever see them again.

Our U.S. Embassy personnel in Vietnam has been holding the babies' Visas hostage to conduct "further investigation". Just so you know, NO further investigation was ever done. There was never ANY evidence or even a real possibility of any suspicious dealings regarding these adoptions. Not one bit. Every step of this process was documented. Every rule was followed. These babies were just like hundreds of others adopted from Vietnam last year, with the same sets of circumstances and loving parents wanting to take them home.

Tragically, there is no accountability to the families waiting or the babies who have been in an orphanage for SIX MONTHS longer than they should have been. There is no way to replace what they have lost, what they have missed. All that time their mommies and daddies and big brothers and sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents could have been caring for them and loving them is lost forever. And no one will admit that a international tug-of-war fueled by huge egos in our government is to blame.

I hope these people in OUR embassy, paid by OUR taxes to support U.S. citizens and their families are proud of themselves for the job they have done. The damage tthey have caused the families is permanent. The cost to the children is immeasurable.

I wish these 2 families all the peace and joy they deserve. I wish for them a safe journey and an unforgettable reunion with the children they were forced to leave behind.

None of this was necessary, most of it was cruel. I am sending letters to my congressional representatives today regarding our own issues and experience with the process. I invite anyone out there to do the same. There is a link on the right side called bringourchildrenhome.org with lots of helpful information and sample letters.

Rhino Virus Update

Here's the latest news on the Rhino Virus -- it doesn't look like much progress has been made in the treatment or diagnosis. Let's just pray it quits spreading through the orphanages. Those children are going through enough!

http://vietnamnews.vnagency.com.vn/showarticle.php?num=02HEA260208

A little sensitivity, please

A second child and the end to my free time....it has been mentioned that with the arrival of the second child, my life as i know it will cease to exist.

First of all, what free time? It has obviously escaped notice that I am raising a son, running a business, running a household, representing children of all ages, fighting 3 governments simultaneously, and trying to do it all reasonably well.

Second. I would give ANYTHING to have many parts of my life as i know it cease to exist. I would give anything, especially my free time, to have had my second child 2 years and 8 months ago. I would give anything, especially my free time, to not have debilitating panic attacks and the bouts of depression that I brought home instead of my baby girl. Yes, they make me hibernate and avoid everyone. But I'm not napping, people. I'm escaping. I would give anything to have that second child right now, regardless of the "inconvenience" it is somehow going to bring to my life. I WANT the problems that come with the logistics of more than one child. i WANT to race from tball to dance to soccer and back again. i WANT the craziness, I would revel in such craziness and be grateful for it every day.

And third. Inferring that my life is so good right now because of the lack of two living children at home hurts my feelings. And those of you who know me should know that. Please stop.

Mad Season

I wish I had some good news to report. The latest thing is that a lot of babies in the northern provinces of Vietnam have been infected with a very bad rhino virus. If you look further down in the blog, the latest pictures of Kamryn show a little girl with a pretty bad cold. Luckily for her (and us) that's all it was. 2 children have died from this virus while waiting for their families.

The cold and rainy season has lasted WAY longer than usual in Vietnam this year. According to our agency reps, temps usually start rising in January. Here it is almost March, and they've just been hit with a really strong cold front again. Some of the orphanages do not have heat, some just don't have sufficient heat. Many of these same orphanages do not have adequate cooling systems for the tropical summer months.

When I'm asked why I just don't adopt "one from here", more and more I'm inferring that at least here in the U.S., children don't grow up in orphanages. Even with it's flaws, and believe me, I have a laundry list, parentless children still have a HOME, a "family". We don't subject our children to orphanages and the perils of institutionalized care. Foster children here have adequate heating and cooling, an endless supply of ready-to-drink water, enough formula, enough food, adequate shelter. That is not the case in developing countries.

Some think that we feel we're "saving" a child...to follow that line of thinking, which i don't, foster children here are not in as much need of saving, in my opinion. It's just my opinion, though. My ready answer as to "why (fill in country here)" is that "that's where my daughter is". It's that simple.

There is a NY Times article highlighting the VN adoption challenges faced by some of the families stuck in the middle of it all. Here's a link: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/11/us/11adopt.html?ex=1203397200&en=4d87ecbf081a3e53&ei=5070&emc=eta1

Our girls will come to us in exactly the right time for our family. I just have to keep saying that and believing it. My needs and wishes about my family clearly are NOT within my control....and I have to stop obsessing to be able to fully appreciate the greatness of my family as it exists today.

I have been waiting for years for it to be "complete". but the truth is that the family was complete before we even had our first child. My husband and I completed our family when we got married. And for now, our first (miracle) child does complete us (sorry, Jerry Maquire), to say otherwise would be to diminish who he is in our hearts. It would be cheating him to say he wasn't enough for us.

They will come home. I cannot doubt it or question it or explain it. It just is.

China update

At last count, we have waited about 20 months since our China LID for Keira's referral. The latest projected referral date for her is July 2009. I'm thinking if we complete our family in this decade, that would be nice.

The wheels of the CCAA just keep turning, though they seem to have lost a lot of tread and need a rotation and alignment check. No one knows what goes on in the epicenter of Chinese adoption. The government is incredibly secretive, which makes the whole thing seem ever more mysterious than it probably is.

However, stacks and stacks of parents' approved files (like ours) have been sitting there collecting dust. Each one of those file represents a child and an entire family just waiting, with no power to do anything about it. For us it means that though life goes on while we wait, there is always a part of us that's not quite present or complete. Our hearts just ache. And though we can get through the day-to-day quite well to the untrained eye, sometimes it's just too much. All three of us have moments of frustration, anger, sadness and total confusion about why this is taking so long. I think it's hardest on Connor. He's been waiting for a baby sister since 2004. He was just a baby himself when Emma died, but like for all of us, she made an impression on his soul. And now that he's "almost a grown up", explaining all of this is very complicated.

Ah, well...such is parenthood, and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

No updates, but new pictures!

She's amazing! I'm in awe of how much she is growing and developing. She's standing on her own!! I can't believe it.
There are a lot of babies in this room. some are standing, perhaps walking...all seem to be well cared for and kept warm! I'm counting no less than 4 layers. And that blue coat is too cute. I do wish she had some socks on...

It's hard to watch her grow up on my laptop. Every day means potentially one less milestone I'll get to witness in person. But she has a lifetime left. We really hope that she'll be home with us before her first birthday. When we first saw her picture, we had no doubt that would be the case. But international situations change daily. It's hard enough to follow our own government's progress (?), let alone another country's.

Connor went on a field trip to the Post Office at DFW Airport today, where they gave him a bag-full of souvenirs, including a surgical mask (for Anthrax?) and his very own Postal Employee Helper ID Badge. They also got the opportunity to welcome home some U.S. Soldiers at the airport. He loved this, and was thrilled that he got to shake so many "hero hands".

No Excuses

Blogging can wear you out. Life comes at you fast, and before you know it, 3 months pass and you haven't taken a minute to reflect on the wonders you've been blessed with. I know it's late for resolutions, but hey, in Vietnam, New Year's isn't until February, so I'm going with that.

I will blog more!!!

Update on our girl. Little Kamryn Grace was born on April 29, 2007. She resides in the Thai Nguyen Social Welfare Center in Thai Nguyen Province. Here's a picture:

That's a little north of Hanoi. She's amazing. I spend hours just staring at her picture, and examining every little detail of her face, toes and fingers. I think it's hard for people to understand that seeing her for the first time was a lot like seeing your newborn after giving birth. It's that rush of unconditional, unimaginable joy and love that has no comparison. She is yours and you are hers.

To that end, we found out she was chosen for us on October 30, 2007. The joy of that day is indescribable. We were all in tears, just staring at her on our computer screen. True, it's an odd way to meet your child for the first time, but to us it seemed perfectly natural, and there is no question that she is meant for us.

We hope to travel to Hanoi and on to Thai Nguyen sometime this Spring. I wish I knew more than that. There are still paperwork details that both governments are working through. This is not anything out of the ordinary, it's just the process. And from this side of the globe, the process gets more and more ridiculous day by day.

We are working on our third Home Study Update, and third Child Abuse Screening/Clearance, and soon, our third set of fingerprints since submitting our original paperwork in late 2005. I can't believe it has been that long since we began this craziness! Since then, I think I have aged about 15 years!

Connor is getting ready for his fourth season of T-Ball. Wow. Life comes at you fast. If you blink, you might miss it.

What Not to Say to an Adoptive Parent or The Top 5 Ways To Leave A Mommy (or Daddy) Speechless

Ok - I've taken this post from another blog and made it my own. Political correctness does have its place, especially around sensitive little ones.

It is NOT meant to make you afraid to open your mouth but rather to shed a little light on some notions that may be a little hard for the adoptive parent to hear, especially in front of their children.

1. "You took the easy route" (referring to adopting over pregnancy). Those of you who know and love me DEFINITELY know our route to family building was NOT in any way easy, and we shouldn't assume so for anyone else. Anyone who witnessess someone saying this to me or any memeber of my family has my permission -- no, make that my INSISTENCE to pull out their fingernails one by one.

2. "Why not adopt domestically, there are plenty of children in the US who need homes?" First, listen to what you're saying, people. You're implying that US children are in some way more deserving of families than other children around the world. That's just sick.

3. "She's cute; how much did she cost?" Really? You want me to answer that in dollars, therapy bills, fertility treatments, frequent flyer miles or tears? She's priceless. Period. Now, how much was your vasectomy, and did they get it all?

4. "Are they both/all yours?", "Are they REAL siblings". Yes. and Yes. Our family is as real as real can be. All our children will be ours for as long as they'll have us! And they'll be siblings long after we're gone, fighting over who has to pay off the debts of the estate. You can't get any more real than that.

5. "What a lucky baby". Nope. We're the lucky ones. We are not adopting to rescue a child. We are not doing a wonderful, courageous thing. We aren't trying to win points with God, Buddah or Vishnu. There was absolutely no "WWJD" in our decision to adopt. We want more children and this is the way for us to have them. It is a purely selfish choice, and should all the stars align, our daughters will choose us, too.

6. "What a beautiful brown baby, where did you get her?" They are beautiful. They came from my heart. But really, what an ugly, racist soul you have. Where did you get your blue hair?

In short, just think before you ask a question like these. Think about it from the child's perspective, and from the parents' need to protect their child from any sort of hurt from the world. Words are powerful. Please use that power for good.

Curiouser and curioser...

Feeling a little better today....just knowing that our agency is working 'round the clock to get these babies home is a relief.

Now, if someone could just figure out what the heck is going on with China??? and the USCIS???

Some people got skipped last month, some received referrals out of order...what's a girl to do with that sort of inconsistency from the program that was once touted as, if nothing else, pretty predictable and safe? It's crazy what a roller coaster ride it's been to build our family. Apparently the best way to ensure and easy road to parenthood is to be a teenage, unwed, drug-addicted, homeless high-school dropout. wow. I've been getting a little too involved in my cases! Sorry for the outburst :)

Our i-171h is set to expire in ohhh, let's see....about 10 days. We do not have our renewal in hand yet. We MUST have this one piece of paper in order to complete the adoption, or to be more accurate, to get back into the U.S. with our child. Pretty important. I AM FREAKING OUT! I was trying to give USCIS a little space -- some time to get this right without my intervention, but clearly I must give them a tiny nudge....hope they're ready. It's not going to be pretty. It's time to start stalking the Department of Homeland Security again! I have tried and tried to let them do the right thing on their own. It is obvious to me that NOTHING happens in that office without me bugging the crap out of them and taking charge of it myself. Not that I'm a control freak or anything. (psst...don't tell my therapist!)

Grace and courage to my children's birthparents...cyber kisses to my girls. Good night.

International Adoption is scary.

There are families in Vietnam right now who are dealing with the fact that the USCIS has denied their children entry Visas back into the United States with their new parents. This is the same USCIS who APPROVED the applications to adopt, APPROVED travel to Vietnam to proceed with the adoption, and now are not letting the babies back into the country. It is a long and twisted journey for those families, and my heart breaks for them. There is no indication that anything is awry with our own adoption, but it's impossible not to feel their stress from across the world.

These babies have been adopted in Vietnam; according to VN law, the are officially the children of US citizen parents. The parents are in a horrible position now. They have begun to bond with these children. Their adoptions were COMPLETED a few weeks ago in VN, and they've been getting to know their new babies while waiting on the US to do who-knows-what. If the babies don't have Visas and the parents do, do they do the unthinkable and leave VN WITHOUT their babies???????? I can't even imagine the grief. Well, yes I can. I can imagine it very well, and wouldn't wish that kind of pain on anyone.

Most of the families have been in VN for about two weeks so far. They've been told by the US Embassy to wait another two weeks. At least. For what? For more paperwork to be processed, to wait on an appeal to get approval from their government that they may come home with their own children. Meanwhile they wrestle with the fact that this tiny baby, their baby, a member of their own family, whom they have loved since the minute they made the decision to go to the other side of the world to find them, may not leave with them. They will, in all likelihood return to foster care, or an orphanage to live out an uncertain fate. And they will one day find out that they were adopted by a wonderful family who lives in the US. They will learn that they have birth parents who abandoned them by choice, and adoptive parents who couldn't take them home because their government wouldn't let them.

So they wait...and wonder....and cry....and pray...and hold their babies tight for as long as they can bear it. And some have to make the unthinkable choice to leave without them. It's tragic. Senseless. Heartbreaking.

It's October! Thus begins my most favorite time of the year. We took Connor to the State Fair of Texas yesterday. He is a total thrill-seeker! He wants to ride all the "big kid" rides, and he's actually tall enough for a few of them. He loves the adrenalin rush! However, he was a little confused by Big Tex - he didn't really understand his purpose. "Why is he talking? I didn't know balloons could talk! And in Spanish, too?"

Connor has decided to be Batman for Halloween. I guess the days of cuddly baby animal costumes are over!

As much as I adore the beginning of the holdiay season, it's hard for us all to go through it ONCE AGAIN without a tiny one to share the joy. We should hear something any day from Vietnam. Really, I swear! But it looks like travel wont be until the beginning of 2008. It is difficult to write 2008 and know that our family has been in a "holding pattern" since 2005.

On another note...all of our favorite Texas teams are doing well! Connor's t-ball prowess has improved dramatically. He's in the 5-6 year-old league now, where they have real outs and strikes! So far (we're 3 games into the fall season) he's scored 4 runs, had 6 or 7 base hits and has a couple outs to his credit. The Aggies are doing well and beat Oklahoma State in a close game...UT lost to OU, which always makes Brian happy, and the Dallas Cowboys are undefeated!!! We'll see how they do in Prime Time tonight!

The CCAA has finally made it through November 2005. You may remember that back in May, they finished through Novebmer 1, 2005. So do the math in your head with me....it may take me a minute...that's FIVE months to get through ONE month of referrals. Every time I think China can't slow down any more, they prove me wrong. The latest forecast for us is February 2009. And it continues to lengthen...

So anyway - life has not stopped for us. Although sometimes I wish it would, for just a second, so I could catch my breath and savor what's in front of me right now.

Many prayers and good wishes to the families traveling in Vietnam right now waiting for their children's Visas so they can come home.

Thoughts of grace and peace to my children's birth mothers, and the unbelievable strength and love they have for their babies in order to them a better life and help us grow our family.

Slacker.

I am a huge slacker - i have not posted anything since July 1? and now it's almost September? I really do suck at this....here's a quick summary of July and August...
Jimmy and Rhonda were married on July 7. That's Seven-Seven-oh-Seven for those of you wondering! We are all very happy they have found each other. Connor was the ring bearer, and oh-so-adorable!!!!

The Guy twins were born on July 20, much to everyone's joy and consternation. They were 10 weeks early, but the cutest little things i've ever seen! They have been in the NICU since then. Isabella and Caden are thriving and improving every day. April and Sean hope to have them home within a few weeks! We'll all be celebrating like crazy!

In adoption land, we wait. And wait. And wait some more. The referral timelines for Vietnam are getting longer and longer, though nowhere close to China's. We still hope to be home with Kamryn this year, and that's a pretty reasonable hope at this point. And in China, things are moving along at a snail's pace....actually, slow even for snails. Our best "guesstimate" now is November 2008. And each month it gets pushed out even more. It's absolutely nuts, and i thing everyone we know probably thinks on some level that Bri and I are making the whole thing up!

Brian has started his own business! Although we are NOT Simpson & Simpson (yet), he will be working out of our Flower Mound office and will practice in the areas of Wills, Estates and Trusts, Business Formation and Litigation, Contracts and a teensy bit of Family Law. It's fun to have him in the office - I'm sure he thinks there's too much estrogen there. Just wait until our baby girls get there!!!

CONNOR IS IN KINDERGARTEN!!! Long story short, everyone at Primrose believed he could succeed in Kindergarten a year early. It was an easy decision after he told be that suggesting he go to Kindergarten was "the best idea you've ever had, Mommy!" He's thriving! There has been a visible and quite dramatic shift in him, just in the first week. He's very proud to be in the "big" class, and quite content to have left all the "babyness" behind in Pre-K. He has adjusted VERY well, and so has Brian. I'm still watching and analyzing every word and emotion he has for signs of trouble. None so far, and I think that's the way it will stay. He has found his little place in the K class, and his confidence is really on the rise. We are quite proud, can you tell? He really is an amazing little boy -- wise beyond his years, with a sweetness in his soul that i have only seen in one other person on the planet, his Daddy. And cute as can be!

Oh, and he's offered to change "all the diapers" and "feed the baby sisters all the time" and "give them all their baths" and "read them Princess bedtime stories EVERY night". He also says he "loves them so, so, so, so, so, so, much !"

So Labor Day weekend is upon us, and we're headed to the Lake House for a little R&R. Just like every other trip we take, we think, "next time Kamryn (or Keira) will be with us". The holidays are just around the corner, and there had better be a little girl in our lives by then! We always say, "by this time next year, our family will be complete....". Maybe 2007 will be a start. Maybe by 2010 everyone will be home. A girl can dream, right?

I can't believe it's already July. This year is disappearing before my eyes, and i'm wondering what i've done with the time. Oh, i know!! I've been managing my family, my business, 2 adoptions, the governments of the US, China and Vietnam...and a partridge in a pear tree!
I don't know if I've already posted that the CCAA just started matching November in its last batch. That set us back to an estimated referral date for Keira to August 2008 at the very earliest. Each month, the wait gets even longer. When we started this journey in October 05, the wait time was 6-7 months...by the time we were done with our paperchase and logged in, the wait had already doubled. and now, a little over a year later, we'll be waiting for AT LEAST as long as we've already waited. (14 months).
BIG HUGE hugs to April, Sean, Isabella and Caden. They are all hanging in there, and the twins are proving to be challenging and stubborn in the womb. Go figure...We love you all so much.

The latest from the illustrious Department of Homeland Security on our Vietnam adoption is that our social worker made a boo-boo. She put in an extra word.

Seriously.

The offensive semantic difference is

....drum roll....

"recommends".

The home study is supposed to say, "the social worker APPROVES the adoption." Ours says "the social worker RECOMMENDS APPROVAL of the adoption."

Well obviously this means we're unfit to be parents!

Repeat it with me.....I LOVE GOVERNMENT BUREAUCRACY! They actually killed a tree and wasted postage and 4 days of snail mail time (don't even get me started on how many more days that may equate to our daughter remaining in an orphanage) to write us a letter to explain exactly that.

We must send in an update ASAP, and thankfully, it won't really a problem for us since our social worker is unbelievably sweet and will get this done within a day. She won't charge us anything, and will bend over backwards to make the change and initial it in blood if she needs to. What I'm struggling with is that most social workers charge anywhere from a $100 to $500 minimum for an "update". That's a lot of money that could be better spent at Baby Gap for pink outfits! Or, ok, maybe for formula. (BO-ring!)Given the cost of adoptions to begin with, if we had to scrape together ANOTHER fee to change ONE WORD, I might just lose it. Again.

My sweet baby girl -

I don't know how I've survived the last 2 years without you, but somehow life has kept moving. You are forever in our hearts and souls. I'm thankful you were a physical part of me for a little while; was it just the blink of an eye, or an eternity?

Daddy and I think of you every day, sometimes, every minute of every day. Sometimes your memory makes us cry, but mostly I just smile at the thought of you watching over us and the giggling at the crazy things we do. Connor proudly remembers that you will always be his first baby sister. You will always have a special place in his heart, and even though he was so young when you left this world, he remembers your spirit and misses your presence.

I continue to remember that you were too perfect for this Earth.

All my love always,
Mommy

It's been over a year since our dossier arrived in China. It's been sitting in the CCAA office gathering dust for at least that long. I don't even know if it's ever been touched. Supposedly, it has been in the "review room" since February 2007.... That's the last stop before the "matching room". Currently dossiers are waiting in these rooms for months and months at a time, when it used to be just a week or two.



I imagine that room to be a place piled to the rafters with thousands of parents' files, waiting for their children. It's kind of like having thousands of pregnant families, all crammed in one place, just waiting to go into labor!



In other adoption news, our documents were sent to the Secretary of State's office today, and then on to the Vietnamese Consulate for translation. Shortly after that, we should have Kamryn's referral!!! It's so exciting, but rather surreal to think that she'll be home soon. After all this waiting, I don't even know how to feel.



Connor's t-ball season ended last Saturday, and he starts basketball in June. I think he's only in it because his friends are doing it, and for the trophy, but as long as he wants to play, we might as well let him.

Need Pink?

On the adoption front, referrals arrived yesterday for those with LIDs through November 1, 2005. Yes, that's 2-thousand-FIVE. I'm not really suprized, but it would be nice if I could be a little more optimistic! A few agencies out there are giving into the reality and telling their clients that the wait will be 36 months. I've pretty much resigned myself to that, but it still stings to see it in print.

My Aunt Vicky underwent surgery this week for breast cancer. She is in my thoughts all the time. So, to add to my obsession for all things pink, I've decided to enter the Race for the Cure this year....I'm toying with the 3-day, but my friend Robyn ended up in the ER after day 2 last year. And if I went with her, who would pick us up at midnight from the hospital?

AND, major congrats to Sean and April on their latest sonogram that shows a girl.....AND a boy! There's not another couple in the world who deserves more joy. I'm really glad the kiddos decided to cooperate this time around, because I have been waiting to buy cute baby things for them for what seems like forever!!!